Hard QUESTION

Hard Question: Why?
by Nina B.

I am really struggling with whether, (there's a word I don't use too often), or not to publish this post.

I know the answer to the question before I even set it to pen. Some of you will agree, many will not and have other opinions. For me there is only one that makes any sense and that is the lack of knowledge and love of Jesus.

People simply do not know JESUS.

Period.

People don't care to know Jesus and accept Him as God and Savior. Surely, people know about Him, but "submit" to Him?, like the Pastor said this morning - sadly, many would rather, (I use this word often), die a thousand deaths before saying Jesus is Lord.

I asked a passerby to take the pics for me.

I had such J O Y today! - Sunday, the 16th day in the year of our Lord 2018. The weather, (I check this out on an app nearly every morning). I walked to church arriving 40  minutes after I stepped foot outside my door. I chose to wear my teal colored cotton dress. It has a delicate print that is subtle. The neckline is close around my neck as are the sleeveless arms about my shoulders. The length is slightly below my knee, but swoops down a tad lower in the back. The cut is lightly fitted about my bustline and flairs from my waist, but the bottomline is I WAS DRESSED VERY MODESTLY, especially with my black cardigan sweater, so my arms were covered. I did wear flat sandals - Roman style, but just about my ankle.

See this is the struggle - I feel the problem must have been  with how I was dressed! However, I am not of the mind I need to be completely covered from head to toe. I am an American born, Black female. I look a tad younger than most women my age, but .... God has chosen to bless my genes with a youthful appearance.

I know this is taking a longer than normal set-up but PLEASE stick with me - because you may have an opinion that you may want to post at the end....

Some of you know I work and live and attend a church that are all ethnically diverse. I teach children that come from all over the globe. There are at least ten different people groups represented in my classroom every period. I can walk out of my door and stroll around my neighborhood and hear multiple different languages being spoken. And at church - there are so many different people represented that come together to worship Jesus Christ as Savior - it can only be compared to as a foretaste of Heaven - it's a very beautiful thing.

Early on in my employment, I learned what was respectful to different cultures. Far be it from me to be disrespectful to any culture - for this reason I rarely look an unknown male in the eye and often address the female - particularly during parent/teacher conferences. I know I do not have to do this but, I choose to do so, to show respect.

As the Bible teaches me to live at peace with all - this is my goal.

I know many of you are thinking - "Nina! Wake up! and see the roses dying! The world ain't a pretty place...  It's full of a whole lot of ugly..."

I know this folks - all to well... You know I do... Have you forgotten my posting from July 2016? The infamy day?....



This afternoon after church I decided to sit and draw samples for my sixth graders - I'm teaching perspective and composition. I sat by the lake in the shade and enjoyed the cool breeze and calm of the day. I had purchased a bag of raw almonds and had a spinach smoothie so I was good to go...

I worked for about 4 hours.... (Remember these are samples).

When I decided to leave, I walked very slowly back to my place. I should have sat on a blanket and not directly on those concrete blocks. I was achy, but I knew home, and my bean soup was waiting for me...

I decided to walk along the bike/jogging area because there wouldn't be sand and I would be out of the way of most people. The city has done a splendid job of widening the bike path, to include a third path for walkers and joggers. Kudos to the city of Chicago.

As I walked I simply thanked God for the blessing of such a beautiful day. I wasn't too hot, nor chilly. It was near perfect...




Then the storm came...



An older man, (60-70). Not American - but Middle-eastern yelled at me and called me an "ass hole!"

I was as shocked as some of you are, at the fact that I wrote it here.

I stopped in my tracks.... as he and his group continued to walk pass me. I turned. He had also stopped and looked back at me - and then continued walking. I wish I could say, I had a witty comeback. I wish I could tell you, I blessed him. I wish I could say, I at least yelled, 'Jesus loves you too...'

I was already walking on the line

There was plenty of room. - no bikers

I was almost in tears actually... Perhaps I was supposed to walk in the dirt, while his group of three men walk on the path.

Then it hit me...satan comes to rob you of your J O Y !

So, NO you DON'T satan!!!
Not this day!

satan, (I refuse to capitalize anything dealing with that wily snake...), has tried recently to steal my JOY. Just Friday when I was feeling JOY-FILLED I decided to walk literally the extra mile and got off at Loyola - two young women, wearing head coverings - I presume students; pushed me with their shoulders as I and only one other passenger attempted to exit the train. It was crazy. They were like linebackers with the ball. I wasn't trying to leap from a moving train and they in turn weren't attempting to leap on... But they just had to p u s h through me as if I weren't there.

And another time as I walked in the evening pass a mosque. Two young men were outside. One spat at me....

Then there was the young Black man who looked me in the face as I walked pass him and said directly at me, "You look fucked up!"

Lord, Jesus!

SIGH!

....And God pushes me out of my comfort zone into this mess... WHY?

My niece says I need to get a car!
I think that's avoiding the issue.

Flashback: God took my car away in July 2017 when He allowed the van driver to hit me from behind and totaled my car... and had me get out among the world... And until God drops a small car at my door... I know am supposed to be engaged in the battle - car or no car.

Does God want me to scream back at the world -"Jesus SAVES! JESUS LOVES!" ?

Probably.

QUESTIONS

At first I thought this all happened because I was Black, then I got to thinking - No... it's because I'm female...

Then ...

LIGHTBULB!

Folks so need Jesus!

These days are like the days of Noah.

Mankind is doing whatever they think to do... and they are depraved - indifferent to human life.

CHURCH, are you out there?

Last year I was out of sorts, because I often felt like I was in a moral vacuum - a space devoid of what is right, because no one seemed to be saying STOP - THIS IS ALL WRONG! The standard is God's Word! is what we should be measuring life by... But the church seemed to be in hiding... No one seems to be saying much... only "...what's wrong?... there's nothing wrong... see there is only good..."

Well, it's another year... and it's not better - it's worse. It really is. This is not a joke. The demons are around every corner. They are seeking to kill, steal, shatter hopes and dreams, wreck havoc and chaos and take as many to hell with them as possible...

Church since you know this is the case - WHY are we standing shocked... at my words?

I know you're out there - God does too - you are warriors  NOW!

Pray for me...
I'll pray for you


"they"/the enemies of God, are emboldened - because "they" know their time is near and their numbers are small, so "they" are looking for you...

But have NO FEAR! 
the name of
JESUS
makes him fail...


Soli Deo Gloria
Nina

Ephesians 6:10-20
The Armor of God

10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people. 19 Pray also for me, that whenever I speak, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, 20 for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should.

IMPACT by Nina B.

I started this post back in March...

Time!... It gets spent so quickly and I can't earn or buy more. My son pointed out that I may have maybe 10-20 more years left in me - that, if I were in the best of health. Hmmm, my dad died at 63, mom at 81... So, with what I've got left in me... what impact do I have on folks?

I've been thinking about IMPACT for a while... and at every turn the word comes back and smacks me in the face and causes me to consider my mindfulness... my personal accountability... at least, in the big to medium size events of life; not in the what-protein-powder-should-I-use-today-in-my-smoothie.... this is the little stuff of existence.

My question is what can I do to make a better difference? A better impact?

The way I see it, surely, people would consider taking other actions if only they would have - STOPPED -
...and considered the IMPACT of their choices. You know the choices - the ones you tend to feel funny about doing afterwards - the ones that you give a second thought to, or wake up the next morning with - like a bad taste in your mouth:

• Would you really wear that outfit?.... This is super minor, however, it's hard not noticing older women and men attempting to re-capture youth that has long...LONG... left the room.
• Would you really continue to flirt?... Knowing that you have absolutely no good intention...
• Would you be so dismissive about her concerns, but demand immediate assistance for whatever you think you need or want?
• Would you say what you did... and when you did... did you almost hear his gasp 
• Would you rush pass the woman struggling with her cart 
• Would you question her repeatedly, concerning inconsequential details, when the issue was so much bigger - you so sadly missed the point she was trying hard to make, because you were so lost in your own drive for pointless details...
• When you forgot something that really wasn't earth scattering - but you let go with a plethora of expletives within ear shoot of some kiddos... (Of course, even with the big forgotten somethings of life - it's still not okay to swear)
• ... And let's not forget the times when we don't do anything... like... we look the other way... Nothing - is an impact too! Like silence - it speaks volumes and ...can also be golden...

Do any of these examples strike a cord with you? There are so many more I could state, however, I don't think I need to belabor my point...

However, I do want you to consider the times you didn't even THINK your impact may have been damaging. These are the times we feel justified in whatever we did and said... We don't even consider relinquishing the "right" to justice... We just vomit all over the person who messed up our day.... or night... or the moment...

IMPACT...

If only...
....You gave a second thought and considered the IMPACT of a...

• Blessing instead of curse
• A prayer for someone who may not even believe that God exist - let alone have anyone to hold their name up to the Father. (This hit me one day - there are folks who don't know the Father and are surrounded by folks - who don't know the Father - so NO ONE is praying for any one! Riding the train - Ive met some very ...        lonely         and    b r o k   en   p e o p l     e...).
• A kind word
• A forgiving silence - you know this... It's when you look quietly at someone who has wronged you and the look you gave was not condemning, but forgiving...
• An outstretched hand
• A sigh
• A smile
• A nod of understanding
• A simple touch
• A hug... a shoulder
• A gift of some flowers...

Most folks might consider themselves to be "loving" - A good question to ask oneself - what good is love that no one shares?
Think about it..... How might you "share" your love, if you consider yourself to be loving? IMPACT!

Impact is up there with regrets, (regrets and impact are weird cousins), but stopping yourself just before you do or say something... is avoiding regrets...

So give some thought to your impact. Yes, it will take some work, re-training your mindset to not make the snap reaction. It will require you to move at a slower pace... It will require you to breathe... to think!

Imagine how much slower we would breathe if we knew - that the hyper-ventilating that we do when we're upset and "impacting" folks negatively - was taking seconds off our lives at a faster rate.

Just slow down - give a second thought, even a prayer... to your impact.

Taken 3/28/18 in the morning

Soli Deo Gloria 

I Just Had a Thought...

It's Funny - Words

by Nina B.

I was just listening to an old song by Fernando Ortega and the song struck a cord with me.:-)

He sings about asking the Lord to "....make me whole". 

I'm sure someone out there has had this lightbulb moment as well: The word "whole", of course, is a homonym to "hole". Homonyms are words that sound the same, but have different meanings. In this case actually, an opposite meaning, making the words an antonym as well. 

Hole means - a hollow place, a cavity, empty...

This, whole means - all of; entire...

So when we ask Jesus to make us whole, we truly are empty, (holes), of ourselves - being so much less the potential God has in store for us...

....and only He alone, can fill us... can fill me...

Who wouldn't want that?

Soli Deo Gloria 

Fernando Ortega - Lord of Eternity

ADDENDUM:

If we think ourselves already full, one should question; with what are you full of? God desires to fill our holes/our lives with Himself, which is only Good. 

Lightbulb by Nina B.

I've been a teacher for nearly twenty years, actually more if you count teaching on the college level and at night while teaching elementary school during the day and tutoring on my off nights from the college classes - that was a crazy time. For a treat, I would drive to the Oak Brook McDonald's before heading home and order a cheese burger with onions - only. My supper during those nights... back in the day when I ate meat.

God has delivered me and I have come a lonnnngggg way baby! I did that for two years to bring in much needed income. I didn't sleep much then... And as my children would recount - they didn't see much of me, so it was good that I taught full time at the school they attended, so I did see them and I did do mom things like: make breakfast, (weekend breakfast was my favorite - fried potatoes with onions), lunches, (my son tells me that he used to sell his lunch - I took special care into making them... special), suppers and wash the laundry and clean the house, (I hated cleaning under the boys beds - the mysteries of untold stories of where those "missing things" went...) - you know - mom stuff.

Once upon a time...way back when, it was my joy to simply be a mom at home - back then I was a homeschooling mom!

Good Lord, the kids and I looked like something out of "The Little House on the Praire".

I took pride in doing many things from scratch... breads, bagels, cookies... The kids used to beg to have store brought cookies. I was a part of a food coop... We had a vegetable garden.... It was good that I wasn't too handy with the sewing machine... But with six kids - we made due with lots of hand-me-downs...

Life was good. Thirteen years good... But then in 2000, I went to work as a teacher in a private Christian school in Chicago's Little Village. I didn't think I was giving up being a mom, I just figured that my family just grew...

Now looking back, with an empty nest and flickers of retirement looming ahead, I had a lightbulb moment....

My children had me as mom exclusively for thirteen years and really, I'm still their mom, no matter how far and how old they get, the connection is still true. However, it is and was also true for the thousands of other children who became mine throughout the course of school years. I get funny stares from my 21st century parents on parent/teacher night when I announce, that for the time their children are with me, they become my own and so I parent, while of course supporting them too. For sure, it's a partnership.

Now remember,... my kids had me exclusively for thirteen years, so when I became a "teacher" to other children it was a little hard... For all of us. My children had to learn to share me and realize that while they were and always are paramount in my life, there were others that put demands on my time and attention and love. I still love my very own dearly, but my love had to grow, because I was / am a mom. To this day, if I refer to a coworker that happens to be near my children's age as my other child, my children really get attitude and are quick to remind me that they are exclusive and chosen and that any others, well... are ... Just other people.

I laugh, because my dear exclusive children know me... The family simply gets a little bit bigger...

Lightbulb!

God made the children of Israel exclusive to Him. They were His chosen people. They were the apple of His eye and had the job of drawing all nations to Him... But ... They didn't. They wanted, it seemed, ....to keep God exclusively theirs and made rules and laws so important that no one could get to the God of Israel - this God that was so special...

But God's heart was/is too big, to not share ... He sees so many "other" children without a Father's love, to not offer His Love - so He did/does.... Despite the grumbling and the walls and mountains and road blocks and  lies, and the stones and the crosses the children of Israel erected - God prevailed and allowed the family to simply get a bit bigger. God the Father sent His son Jesus to be our brother to bridge the gap over our sin... we, Gentiles just need to take His hand and go across the bridge that spans the divide...

Isn't that neat!?!

Soli Deo Gloria,
Nina

Sustanibility: Do We Have the Stamina

This posting was much, much longer,... but less is more and I think you - whoever you are - will get my point.

So that we're all on the same page: Sustainability means the ability to maintain - avoid depletion.

Someone out there in the world is looking for that which can sustain; whether it be for fuel/food, or income. I would venture to say that we are all looking for something that can sustain us, but surely this means that we, ourselves are the "thing" that someone is looking for. Because we are the "thing" - we are in a constant never-ending search, because we, can not sustain - JACK!

Think about it... Energy source - nope, not really,.... Food - no thank you GMO's and all other sorts of science experiments,... Income - hello Lottery, (I don't play - I work!),.... Relationships,- I just have to look around my classroom at my students and the folks I work with, go to church with, see at the grocery store ... and BTW - I just have to look in the mirror... Till death, has become a myth...

We sustain nada!

Whether than consider resources and possibilities, folks don't want to do with less and they want to make sure that they have what they want and they want it NOW!

Oddly, in actuality, people do look for and expect others to sustain them!

Sounds like the mindset of a baby! A baby’s world is all about them.

To sustain, means that we are willing to go the distance...And sadly, I simply don't see mankind going the distance for much of anything, least ourselves and what we want. We are constantly on the lookout for the quick fix, thinking that it will surely hold us... but only until the next hit of the next "thing"... It's crazy, and we pity addicts.

Think of what we do to our children. We nurture our children to adulthood and then claim to "help out" our adult children, but make them dependent and so become co-dependent ourselves, because we want to sustain parenthood longer - because we like being needed and want to be needed and complain when it becomes a drain?!? This is not sustaining relationships. This is selfishness on all parts, and this is what makes the pockets of therapist bigger. Cut the strings and when the bough breaks, Johnny and Suzy will get up and grow-up. I need to hear this too.

However,... to sustain means to be sacrificial. To sustain means someone is going to give until there is nothing else to give - this is not temporal but eternal. Only God can sustain. God does not deplete Himself. God never runs out. God ALWAYS has something to give. God is

God has the ability to maintain sustainability forever. He does not need to avoid depletion, however, He is constantly, relentlessly conforming us into His likeness - being Christ-like. Not being a god, but having our Father God's characteristics because we are His children, (please, DO NOT think me a new ager - that, is pure craziness - but I digress). My earthly father lacked rhythm. I remember him being shy and attempting to enjoy the beat of a 50's crooner, as he danced behind a curtain separating the room - I am like my father. I lack rhythm and I do not dance. See? I have characteristics of my father, but I am NOT my father.

God orchestras scenarios for His children so we can become more like Him - having the ability to sustain - to go the extra mile - to maintain the stamina. To love more - PERIOD.

Think about the, what if... we simply loved more... Longer?... Not just harder... just longer...

What if we thought about someone else, rather than ourselves, for just a bit longer,...

What if we chose to do the right thing, for someone else, for a bit longer than our usual...

What if we sought after our Father God longer...

Father God pursues you,... me...un-relentlessly, with unbelievable love - unfathomable love - with a love that knows no bounds.

It is He who sustain us. He strengthens us for this life. He said this life would not be easy. He said we would not be happy... But, He said He would be with us ALWAYS and that joy comes...

Happiness is not joy. They are not the same. Sometimes, we can be happy, while other times we can have joy in deep sorrow… Happy doesn’t mix with sorrow… As an artist, I can see the pangs of sadness with the break of joy - it is a light buried deep - but is a glimmer that glows and melts the dark...

Consider reading His Book to you, (the Bible). It has living Words that can sustain you in this life.

Soli Deo Gloria,

Nina B.

This video is not my usual Christian music either, (like last month’s posting),, but because it lacks words and familiar music, I find myself being less distracted and more reflective. The composer is Johann Johannsson "Flight from the City". However, I really enjoy Max Ricther's compositions. The one that follows Johannsson's is "Meeting Again" - Exceptional.

I Once was Blind, but Now I Finally SEE

I listen to other music besides Christian pop

This is Max Richter's Departure Suite

Nice, but sometimes mind numbing, a place I visit.

I Once was Blind, but Now I Finally SEE

By Nina B.

My status changed over the summer. I went from being a driver to a commuter/walker.

One busy, late afternoon I was driving to pick up a former student for dinner. I had one former student in the passenger seat.  We were celebrating one of them entering college. However, a white van rear-ended me as I sat, stopped in line waiting for the light to change; and was pushed into the car in front of me… Sadly, the one doing the pushing drove off, not even checking to see if we were okay. I became the “meat” in the middle of two vehicles. My trunk was nearly accessible from the back seat!

Hence, I became a commuter and walker, (although, I always went for walks - but now I walk with a purpose -  to get places - not just for exercise).

At first it was hard. Actually, it still is… Being around people…

I never knew how much of a loner I was. The world I created for myself was very controlled. I only interacted with people that I chose, let alone look at people to see them. As a commuter and walker, you must be aware of who is around you at all times! It’s a safety precaution. 

(Aside: It hit me that I rarely look at myself! I don’t like what I see most times, and when I presume to see some strangers, I don’t like what I see in them either. Hence, Father’s work is never done within me.)

When I don’t want to bother with God’s image improvement plan for me, I avoid looking at myself. Once upon a time when I didn’t want to bother with people, I’d either drive a little earlier in the morning and go home later in the evening - less crazy people out on the roads! I’d sit in the back of church and disappear just at the last Amen. And during the sharing of the peace - I’d bury my head in drawing a picture on the back of the offering envelope - folks don’t usually bother you if you messing with your offering envelopes. I did my shopping usually on the same day at the same time so that the same people who I'd have to interact with, were in their usual same place. When I ate grilled salmon from Mariano’s; there would be the big fish butcher guy, (he’d see me coming and knew what I wanted every time - I was predictable - until the accident happened and I stopped eating salmon. (I stopped eating fish because the radiation problems with the Pacific Ocean - not because of the accident). I’d see the same farm stand lady, (she didn’t seem to like her job), the same cashier, … the same cart guy with the wild hair… I’d kinda see other shoppers, but I’d avoid making eye contact as much as they did. I’d move around them like a synchronized swimmer moving through water. I’d see a cart, the contents therein, a hand pushing the cart and I’d move… I’d rather look at the rows of pastas and bags of beans… The people would exist, but not to interact with - like Tennessee Williams', “Glass Menagerie” - the people around me were of specific collections… to be handle with care and at a distance - always…

I’d see my same students, the same colleagues the same staff... I’d interact with those I choose and the others, …  I am of the mind that what I do and what I think matters very little to most people - and that’s okay. It’s like the people at the store that I chat with - to be polite - they are numb, (like most people I see at work). They deal with people all day, everyday and have become de-sensitized to the constant droning of the noise that “people” make…

HOWEVER…

NOW, as a commuter and walker I see people like I’ve never have before - maybe it’s a novelty and will wear off - and become like constant droning… but I kinda hope not…

I see a young woman of about 25, with her little girl of about four. It’s some time after the dinner hour and to keep the pangs of hunger at bay the mom has purchased two bags of bargain hot and spicy cheese curls. A bag for each of them. They sit quietly, looking ahead at nothing as the scenes of our ride flash in seconds in the window. They lick their now red fingers as they eat and stare, silently.

I see a middle aged man, who is wearing a hoody. He is trying so hard to hide. He has the shakes - not from the cold. He’s clean, ...has an expensive cell phone that he checks for some message… good shoes… From time to time he looks up and out from his hiding place. His face is pallid. Empty. Searching.

I see a very large, overweight man wearing army fatigues. He’s in a wheelchair. He’s partially slumped over as he sleeps… He snores semi-loudly. His lips are thick and cracked. He wears a knitted non distinct sports hat. It’s pulled down over his ears, but held in place with those headphones that look like the tops of mason jars, but of course, more stylish.

I see an old woman who comes up to me when she sees me. She sometimes wears dark sunglasses when it’s already dark - she must be on medication that causes her eyes to hurt at the glare of any light. She always is dressed modestly, (and encourages me to wear a hat on my head). Her shoes are orthopedic and look heavy, but what shows of her legs are thick and strong. She is shorter than I am and she speaks in a thick Caribbean accent. She says, “Good Morning and God bless you”... She also blew my bubble totally away and hugged me.

I see so much now, however, still feel that I miss a lot,... like the man who was saying Happy Thanksgiving to me. I was in my bubble world and was hiding from the outside, by wearing my sunglasses and headphones, listening to Max Richter’s Departure Suite, but not too loudly in the event of danger, (I want to hear it coming if I miss seeing it first…). So, I heard a mumble of something as I passed and realized too late that he was speaking a kindness…

There’s so  much more that I can share of what I see - good, bad, ugly, rude, questionable…, but this is already 4 pages and like Youtube videos that are longer than 20 minutes - who wants to read all this rambling...

So, what’s the point of seeing folks at this stage of the game… Seeing gives the point of entry into the game. The eye is the open window into the soul, (someone said once upon a time - I think it’s the heart - which is heavily guarded). Seeing provides the point of connection - when we do finally see. You connect with God when you see. It’s like He’s showing you His creation and gives you opportunity to work with Him to fix those that are broken or to share in the walk along the way... It’s like when a mom allows her child to stir the batter and then completes the work and serves a beautiful creation and the child is like, “Wow! I helped do that?!” The delight the mom has because the child is so happy... and the child wants to do more - so it is with the Father with us.

When we finally see, we have to do something. I can’t pretend there aren’t people there anymore. I can’t pick and choose whom I share Jesus with - He says I’m gonna break your bubble and push you out into the world so that you can be light and salt, to anyone I send your way.

For every disadvantage there is an advantage. My car was totaled, (I don’t feel that it’s God’s timing that I replace it just yet), so, I must get to work - not the busy work that I can do with my eyes closed, (that thing I do for 10-12 hours a day), but the labor of the Father where I must have my eyes wide open - allowing Father to open my heart and eyes and see the work that is needed to be done.

Soli Deo Gloria