Something New for July - Questions

The Detailed Chat for the  Unveiling

This bumblebee didn’t get the scientific memo!

Why?

How?

Who?

 

Why did I paint murals in Rugby, North Dakota for free?

Short answer: God!

My goal is to be obedient and of service as Father God’s business calls me - not to work for hire! This means I did NOT receive payment for my services. I only desire to hear from my Father God, “well done…”. 

In Chicago street art goes up on public spaces regularly, with a hint of anonymity/namelessness. In producing the murals, I too thought I’d be invisible. The murals are not my legacy. I never thought the murals should be about me at all, but about the gift, truly from Father God.  It may be Father God’s message to you all that He sees you and cares deeply for you all. 

Think about this for a second. 

God brought someone, (me), from a fair distance - someone who looks nothing like you other than we are all humans made in Father God’s image; to be of service in this specific way - produce public art about your town. Frankly, I’d say this is Father God attempting to get your attention. He’s saying He sees you and you are indeed special to Him and is calling you to Himself, even those who flatter themselves as being “religious” - perhaps you have missed the proverbial mark, (being religious is not what Father requires - what does Father’s Word say?)… And for those who say, “… that’s not how my God operates!” “That’s not my Jesus!” Beloved, it is this Jesus you deny, that gave freely for you! He gave everything - His Body and Blood for you - “…while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8. Christ has given freely of all He has. As His follower how can I do less but to give freely of the gifts, as He directs; he has given me?  

i-am not what I was several years ago, (in truth I’ll always be Father’s work in progress, till I cross through the Veil), however, at this point i-am now living in such a way that i-am willing to be bold in the defense and answer for my faith - go the extreme for my faith. “And who is he that will harm you, if ye be followers of that which is good? But and if ye suffer for righteousness’ sake, happy are ye: and be not afraid of their terror, neither be troubled; But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts: and be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you with meekness and fear:” 1 Peter 3: 13-15. Additionally, as in the gospel of Luke chapter 5, Simon Peter, James and John; “…they forsook all, and followed Him”. Me too.

i-am an example here for such a time as this to change the minds of people - so they see what a transformed life looks like - thanks to my Jesus. 

While following is good. We should be mindful of what exactly we are following. Everyone is fully capable of self-selecting - but in reality- some make automatic choices, that we suppose are our own, but actually, there are sometimes nefarious person in the shadows that are directing what appears to be “choices” and so make different kinds of differences - the nefarious person’s choices, (i.e., political parties for example). Many people are programmed to follow, and sadly follow blindly. This is why reading Father God’s word and history is so important.

HOW did I do what I did?

Father God again!

From Jun 15th to July 15th, Monday through Saturday from 9am-6 sometimes to 9pm, I rose in the morning to paint and returned to my home to rest… I dropped to my knees every night and prayed for Father’s peace and restoration. In the morning I’d rise and go to my knees and ask for peace and direction and strength and by Father God’s grace He surprisingly chose to work through me despite my grumbling and complaining. Father God did a hand-over-hand - WHY? I would not have chosen me to do much of anything.  i-am an abstract, emotional, heavy thinker type of artist. Stuff needs to connect in my work… I look for the flow in the interaction of the positive and negative spaces… So my art takes way too much time, when Father God is saying “let’s get ‘er done!” Hence the hand-over-hand that I willingly submit to - i-am not stupid! Of course, I submit to GOD!!! (Emphasis needed for those who do not! Respectfully written!)  

Also, oddly, some among you think it’s appropriate to expect someone in retirement to continue to work - just for you, when there are others - younger and available to work? Is the retired dentist supposed to work indefinitely because you desire their specific service?  While it may be flattering, in truth it is exhausting and potentially depletes all resources of the person pouring from their cup of services. It’s like “the tree”, in the 1960’s children’s book entitled “The Giving Tree” by Shel Silverstein.

Who am-i?

i-am a child of God. 

Totally beloved. Totally redeemed. Totally a Christ follower.

I often tell folks I’m dust. This is referring to Genesis 3:19 “… for out of it, (dust), wast thou taken: for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return.” i-am unassuming. People say i-am a good person and that I’m good hearted. But what does scripture say? “… both Jews and Greeks, are under sin, as it is written: “None is righteous, no not one; no one understands; no one seeks for God. All , (this means ALL-everyone, ever! from Adam til this present time), have turned aside; together they have become worthless; no one does good, not even one… the righteousness of God through faith in Jesus Christ for all who believe. For there is no distinction: for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by HIS GRACE as a GIFT, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, whom God put forward as a propitiation by HIS BLOOD, to be RECEIVED BY FAITH….” Romans 3:9-12, 22-25. Sit. And chew on this for a bit - I’m just saying.

 

There is nothing in my opinion about my physical appearance that stands out. Although, I do have one peculiarity, the iris’ of my eyes have grey limbal rings, like my maternal grandfather. I prefer sitting in the back when in rooms, but always in the front of a bus, the area designated for seniors, (this be me), and handicapped persons. I speak quietly because - I used to expect my students, when I was a teacher - to listen intently.

… But for the most part i-am totally unique, (just like everyone). There’s only one of me - like only one of you. We are all created and so called to do something - We all have purpose. No mistakes on Father God’s part. He intended for us all to be in time and place where we are to cause action and so reaction for HIS purposes, because He’s GOD! 

Frankly, I see the joy in this journey… while so many do not and sadly some choose not because they feel they are loosing control - when really, do you have control and with this control that you think you have, are you at peace or are you afraid when you’re alone? You suppose you can’t do or have what you want, (some of you want what’s not yours to have, (like someone else’s spouse, or you want out of your marriage for the greener grass, for example))… Play out these wants that don’t align with God’s Word… Play out everything - examining the consequences… So consider truly - how does it work out for all those who could be potentially affected. For a second, imagine how others see you as you do what you want, (most times folks pretend no one sees or knows, (king David had this problem too when he chose to go after Uriah’s wife, Bathsheba. How do you think Uriah’s parents felt when and how their son, was killed at king David’s orders… Think about Bathsheba - what were her choices… and the baby that died? Folks rarely think about how their sinful actions affect other people) … and so …you have our present world today… Folks deeply in need of Jesus - the Savior…

I started this posting with the rhetorical questions below and it morphed into how I would answer folks questioning me about the why, how, and who -since June 15th all the way and even after July 15th… 

I pray that folks see Jesus 

I pray that folks just think on Jesus and give Him more than the meaningless lip service they give Him everyday… JESUS IS GOD! HE ALONE DESERVES WAY MORE.

I pray that folks sit with Jesus daily.

I pray that folks read His Word.

Initial questions that I think about when painting…

Why is it we don’t appreciate someone until they’re gone or no longer available?

Why is it we think more of ourselves, when actually we are way less, (remember if you have to tell folks about your accolades what does that say about your motivates… When you go before the throne of God, (and everyone gets to go…) and tell Him what you did… Matthew 7:21-23). Or sadly, some think way less of themselves when really there is so much more than meets the common eye’s surface glance, (which isn’t such a bad thing)?

Why do we perceive people to be so different when they too are people and there is more in common than makes us different but we elevate the differences - Why? To wear the differences like badges? To wear titles? Why?

Why do we self impose scarlet letters? They are indeed scarlet for a reason - They’ve been bought for, with a Life giving cost, (Jesus), but we choose to walk under the burden being chained and so oddly refusing to walk in freedom, (Father God’s freedom - Grace, Joy, Peace,...)

Soli Deo Gloria

Nina

This is what I read for the unveiling - similar but different

I have a detailed explanation of all that I’m presently paraphrasing, on my blog for the world to see at ninabenson.blogspot.com and look up wynwood walls- Miami, FL.

THREE QUESTIONS I HAVE BEEN ASKED SINCE JUNE 15TH AND BEYOND

Why am-i here in Rugby, North Dakota?:

Shortest Biggest answer:

God!

I dare not suppose to know the mind of God - scripture says, in 1 Corinthians 2:16 “For who hath known the mind of the Lord, that he may instruct Him?” 

Not me.

Looking to scriptures when Father God called anyone to go and do - it was for His purposes :

For example: Noah in the book of Genesis. God told him to build a big boat on dry land because He was going to cause it to rain - a lot, and destroy nearly everything - less Noah and his family.

God sent Jonah out to the people of Nineveh. However Jonah was very reluctant, but after three days in the stomach acids of a big fish, Jonah changed his mind and was about God’s purpose…

I also believe that Father God does seem to enjoy taking that which is marginalized and showing the masses, that what seems small - and insignificant,  at first glance - is only just that - the surface, that first glance - when many miss - everything. As in the story of Rahab a prostitute who lived in Jericho. God uses her efforts to save the children of Israel. 

Father God uses Ruth a Moabite to continue the lineage that leads to my Savior Jesus and so on and on it goes…

Father God likes taking what people look down upon and says look again - look deeper.

i-am not like you, and i-am not like what you see on your television. But we all have choices to go along with what we want. Just like I  made the choice of NOT  to clomp the people of Rugby into the handful of mindless, narrow-minded people who persistently view me through the lens of social media.

I want it to be perfectly clear. I -did- not- get paid for my efforts. I willingly did not want to get paid, because this was something between Father God and i… And I know that made some of you very  uncomfortable as you felt you had to pay me, gift me, with something… I’ve got a rhetorical question for you: Why do you feel the need to trump a gift? Just think about that.

Doing Ashley’s building was truly an extra that I wanted to do - in that I don’t believe it was part of Father God’s plan. Yes, I do things outside of God’s will everyday, sometimes all day. i-am willful just like all of you and sometimes it’s ok and sometimes it’s sinful. But painting, actually doing all kinds of art, is a gift I get to share. It’s a passion of mine, as my son pointed out. 

This does not mean people get to exhaust me just because I have a gift… Jesus did not heal everyone He came in contact with, nor did He supply endless loaves and fishes… He came to give something better. His gave His life freely for sinful people and He was - rejected and sadly still is… Makes me wonder about people.

How do I do what I do?

Another short BIG answer - again:

God!

I can do some things that some people believe they cannot do. I produce art with ease, and I do enjoy it - most times. Like things we all are passionate about, sometimes there is a considerable amount of pain and suffering that accompanies the passion, but there’s joy after its production. My case in point - childbirth. To me, that’s what makes something a gift from God. I get to enjoy it and others can receive some benefit as well. 

BUT others have gifts that they are hoarding as their own and they could share. They don’t have to give what they do away freely, but they can and should be paid a fair wage - especially, if it’s providing a fulfilling  service and/or is beneficial. Encourage those who have talents and  support them, even work along side of them and 😏 learn something .

This is a good enough segue to say THANK YOU 

I’m going to try to thank folks in the order that I met them, but then it gets scattered...

Barb - first person I met in Rugby on a cold October morning - Not fearful, kind, a willingness to assist

Joel from Cobblestone - First man I took a ride from in Rugby because I looked like I needed assistance - took me all the way out to Cobblestone. I’d NEVER would do that is Chicago.

Amy and Corey at Dakota Farms - just kind and welcoming - extending hospitality to a stranger without fear.

Joyce who also insisted upon giving me a ride

Cindy at Cobblestone - the folks at Cobblestone put up with my quirks.

Helen and Mariah and Raymond and Gaylan and the young couple that drove by in van who bought me a CORE water and El-veena - You are all so sweet! And especially caring.

Dawn from Wild minds and Jennifer from Pierce Tribune - thank you Dawn for your ladder and  both of you. - for your words and ideas… I took them all in and heard them and they are resonating in my head.

Helen from church -who got out of her car to talk to me… This was huge!!!

Andrew Sinclair for his encouragement and direction - His words were priceless.

Mandie at the library  -    And Robin and Jessica - all so incredibly welcoming and trusting - fearless. 

Pastor Chris Neuendorf , Debra and Peggy - from church - who are some majorly connected prayer warriors and have become deep friends

My awesome neighbors, awesome sisters in Christ - who pray - Janice, Veronica, Ruth, Beverly, Sue, Loraine, Zach and wife Cassandra and the boys

Special shout out to Gary and Deana - never have experienced such care from a group of people in a neighborhood… 

I know you names and you care to know mine - this is not Chicago 

Laurie, Brian and John for not being fearful and so affording me the opportunity and honor  to do Rugby’s first mural.  THANK YOU!!!!

And  a side note: For those who think the first mural should not have been on a bar… I think my Jesus would so be in a bar… not sinning ofc, but telling all the JoAnne’s that they are worth so much more than they think of themselves and telling all of the Samuels that they can get back up again and start over and choose differently this time and most importantly, telling them all - they aren’t alone - none of them…. Yes a bar… my Jesus would so be there. 

Who am i?

Answer: Child of God - Whom He is yet working on

i-am a work in progress. i-am still trying to figure life out - now more so than ever, according to the Word of God. As a child I felt insignificant and so grew up feeling like I should be invisible. Even recently, as an adult living in an apartment, paying more for rent than I do my mortgage - I felt I should be as quiet as possible. So living in Chicago a person can easily be invisible to others, but you miss out on life as one works hard to be invisible.

Some years ago when Father God allowed a car accident that made my car the meat in between two vehicles - I started  taking public transportation to the school where I taught. I began to really see people, strangers, for the first time. While being the lone fish in the fish bowl of Rugby… this fish is also looking back at you … 

End …

In short I have no regrets coming to Rugby… I know i-am not one of you, but like Rahab, Ruth, the Samaritan woman at the well, the Gentile woman with the possessed daughter, Jesus called a dog … All of them took major steps of faith to go and do - to act and react… I think with Father God’s direction and life’s ups and downs, good and bad… it all works out good for those who are called according to His purposes.

Thank you all

Something Old for June: On Purpose

“In the beginning God created…” Genesis 1

I like dandelions

“For Thou hast possessed my reins: Thou hast covered me in my mother’s womb… My substance was not hid from Thee, when I was made in secret, and curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect; and in Thy book all my members were written, which in continuance were fashioned, when as yet there was none of them.” Psalm 139:13,15,16; (although, reading the entire chapter of 139 would be beneficial)

“And now, saith the Lord that formed me from the womb to be His servant,…” Isaiah 49:5

“Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations” Jeremiah 1:5

“…and he shall be filled with the Holy Ghost, even from his mother’s womb.” Luke 1:15

God foreknows every detail of His creation. God never makes a mistake -ever. God is purposeful.

With this move I am constantly reminded of purpose - as people still ask, “Why did you come here?” While it matters little what people think of my response of “God told me”, (I have no control over someone believing me or not - but I speak the truth). Still, it’s clear that people question the authority of God’s purpose, direction, intention - in my life. It seems as if they question God’s authority - His right to direct/rule in the lives of His creation, especially mine, (of course, such doubters probably don’t listen for Father’s call on their lives either). Or they question my willingness to accept God’s purpose for my life and/or even more so my ability to actually sense/hear God’s purpose. It’s like when they question that I’m nearly seventy,… “You can’t be! You don’t look…” - spoken in condescending tones as if I’m lying…  like I don’t know my own age!… Like I don’t know my own purpose.🙄

God is very intentional. As a Creator, He knows exactly where and why He’s going in any direction with a thing He creates. There are no happy accidents nor horrid mistakes even in people you don’t like. God is intentional. He has a definite plan, that we get to live out. … And what I think is wild, is that God being GOD!… He anticipates EVERYTHING! aka is omniscient. With His created humans - He foreknew everything we were going to do… and kept going with His plan because He has a purpose of love - NOT because He needed to love a thing, (us), but because He IS LOVE. His relation to everything is Him being Who and What He is - Love!

Mind blowing for me. 

So, once I got with God’s program - recognizing, submitting, (submission gets such a bad rap), to His authority over my life, I ask you: Why wouldn’t I want to go with God’s plan? Since I believe in God’s sovereignty over my life, why would I suppose I have better plans than God? (Remember Jonah?). Frankly, I sometimes laugh and cry about my fellow humans, because so many suppose they know better than God and subsequently make a mess of their life and the lives of a lot of other people because of the ripple or domino effect. One tiny pebble thrown into the pond of life has the potential to effect much, that God already knew about and so anticipated those effects - due to our free will - because of God’s LOVE. It circles back to God every time, no matter how hard we try to navigate life, sadly, without Him; truly in the end, we still come back to God - running towards Him or standing obstinately in shame before Him. 

As the loving Father that God is… He will sit us down and so review our life’s navigational choices and when completed we either continue a life, on the other side of the vale; with Him or a life without Him - The latter being a place I do NOT wish any one to go. Likewise, even more so God, Who sent His only Son Jesus, Who gave His all - His life saving Blood; so we wouldn’t have to live without Father God… but our choices.

I am so convenience that I am surely walking in my Father God’s purpose and know there is nothing that could even thwart that purpose - because Father God is sovereign. Do I get confused, angry, upset, discouraged, (king David too, in some of his Psalms - he too runs the gambit of emotions - some extreme emotional outburst were his imprecatory Psalms when he thought annihilation of his enemies was in his best interest …)? Of course, after some quiet nights, and days, because of LOVE, Father isn’t going to allow me to stray too far with my thoughts, from His purpose. Does the enemy - aka the devil, attempt to misguide me, of course, - I am a daughter of Eve, but God! Father carefully and lovingly directs my path back to Him when I stray even when it’s my attitude that requires adjustment.

In the beginning, one of Adam’s callings was to name all the animals. Perhaps he studied them and so named them according to their characteristics. My father named me -Nina. He died when I was in the summer of my tenth year, so I cannot verify his reasoning, but because of his middle eastern background, I like the Hebrew meaning for Nina “God was gracious and has shown favor”. My father was in his fifties when I was conceived and I only know of only a half sister named Sally who was about twenty years my senior. She married a man with the last name of Lahori. After our father’s death I never saw her again… but I digress. Likewise, our Heavenly Father so named us based upon Isaiah 40:26, (He cared to name the the stars), and renamed Abram to Abraham and Sarai to Sarah, Jacob to Israel… and so His sheep He calls by name John 10:3. Father has intention in our conception and purposely so calls us specifically by name.

The enemy surely would seek to cause you to wonder about your purpose, your identity; when life seems to be going no where? The enemy plants seeds of doubt and reminds a soul of their sins, of their past self. The enemy would go as far to get you to compare yourself to others, but keep your eyes on Father God. Get into His Word. Have a heart-to-heart with Father God. He’s available 24/7 and will give you insight into who you are and why you belong to the God that gave everything for you - purpose included.

Soli Deo Gloria

Nina

Something New for May

Genesis 50:20  But as for you, ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good,…

Romans 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose.

I am now a little over four weeks in my new space… By the grace of God I have unpacked a plethora of

boxes, in 3 weeks, and settled into my place that has some semblance of a flow that I can move through… I am developing routines and not wondering where I placed daily necessary items. It feels like a home. My home where Father God resides.

While I finished the last of the boxes, I recently found myself unpacking something less tangible… Old emails, (they take up a fair amount of data space - needed for those updates…). I thought I had deleted at least two years of emails some time ago, but to my surprise, I was able to go to what was unearthed in 2014. Yes, over ten years ago. Egad! Removing those two years worth of emails, just made new space for the older past to come forward. Sometimes when you create a void something is quick to move in and fill it. Funny how that works… at just the right time. Cleaning.

I had email correspondence from my ex from when he was teaching in China. Updates of his activities and his new life in a new country. Then there were the emails leading up to the divorce in 2016… I didn’t realize that they were yet taking up space. The level of betrayal still astounds me, but in surveying the past in light of the present… What was meant for evil - total selfishness; Father God turned everything around for His goodly purposes and so ultimately my good… It just took a wilderness journey to arrive on this side of the promise - I now get to share about what Father God has done for me and what the production of art can bring for the soul.

Lesson: Don’t allow trauma define who you are.

Nothing can stop what Father God intends - His purposes. Look at the life of the Joseph from Genesis, Jacob/Israel’s favored son. Genesis 37, 39-48. Joseph’s brothers, thought they could rid themselves of the favorite son and dreamer brother of wild dreams. Though Joseph did not seem to have any indication of the interpretation of his youthful dreams. Scripture does not speak of him lauding his future status over his brothers… Perhaps his mindset, was, “Hey my brothers, listen to the craziest of dreams I had the other night…”. In his youth, Joseph didn’t seem to have a sense of reading his audience either, especially since their father had just made a special coat - just for him. It didn’t matter to the brothers that their father was showing an expression of love for the wife he loved however; to their son… The brothers just saw the objectification of their own mothers, via their father Jacob/Israel and his favored son - Joseph. 

They sold unsuspecting Joseph into slavery, (they had planned to kill him, but chose to make a profit)… Which sent Joseph into a wilderness journey of sorts. Scripture does not state that Joseph became bitter or hateful, but he became the best at what was dealt him. He became a dutiful slave and prospered his owner, Potiphar. Sadly, Mrs. Potiphar lusted after Jospeh, which he refused to submit to her entreaties, because he knew he would be sinning against God, (chap 39:9). However, she became a scornful woman, of course, and Joseph was wrongfully jailed for being a man of honor, (which I think Potiphar knew in his heart, because he could have had him killed on the spot)… But again Jospeh, made the best of his new dire circumstances - jail and prospered, yet there, (verse 23 of chap 39). 

I’ve got to insert an aside question: How many folks do what’s right and still end up on the wrong end of circumstances and sadly, so give up and/or give in? Conversely, how many folks purposefully do what’s wrong and seemingly end up in the good of life? Truly the devil’s schemes to bring as many to his end rather than Father God’s - It does come down to choices and unwavering adherence to one’s purpose aka perseverance. 

Finish the race well.

Back to the study…

Still a jail is still a jail and there is no freedom therein, however, eventually Joseph caught the eye of Pharaoh and was put in charge of the kingdom and by chapter 41 and 42, everything was turned completely around, (Chapter 42 is a when everything was turned around for Job as well… and so for the believer there is always ultimately a chapter 42 - a time when things turn for the better). 

In chapters 42-45 Joseph does much weeping, especially in chapter 45. It is clear to at least Joseph that God sent him before Jacob/Israel, (the family), “to preserve life.” In verse 24 Joseph sends his brothers back to retrieve their father and all their households… “So he sent his brethren away, and they departed: and he said unto them, See that ye fall not out by the way.” (This sounds like an admonition - don’t mess up).

For this study, (because every time I read scripture I sometimes get new perspectives - different or clearer understanding, like a different facet of a beautiful gem), I see that Joseph did not consider his present circumstances: the hatred of his brothers, the pit, the slavery, the lies from Mrs. Potiphar, the jail, all of the evil he experienced as potential definitions of his identity. He knew early on he had value and was loved and saw himself as a servant foremost of God - no other man nor man-made god. Settling for one’s circumstances, while they maybe beyond your control, (in that you were not the cause of your situation), does not need to be one’s only view of life going forward or in some cases life going downward. 

Cleaning out old emails that popped up as reminders of a past life are just that -old emails that have no meaning at all. Now deleted but retrieved data space for something new. The devil would have loved to steal and destroy my dreams, …Joseph’s dreams. He would have loved to have the promise of our ultimate Deliverer, Jesus Christ, to be killed in the pit of despair with Joseph if he had given into hopelessness. All tricks of the devil are to rob, destroy and kill joy, hope and life. The devil tried so hard with Joseph, but he, (Joseph), kept his focus and did not allow his circumstances to ever define who he was and so fall short. Was it a walk in the park for Joseph or anyone whose life is upended because of sin? Of course not. Your life doesn’t even have to be totally a mess - some believers loose hope daily over little things, but Who do you allow to define you, to name you? Where is your hope? Who do you know to be true? What are you believing? It’s only one of two choices. Either God or the devil. 

Seek God in His Word and pray without ceasing.

Soli Deo Gloria

Nina

    

Something New and Redeemable for the Conclusion of April - New Chapters

Moving,… forward, by faith...

…and literally and figuratively cleaning out the old, …

Then deep cleaning the new, (Like new wine skins for new wine. One can’t keep old routines in a new space. Additionally, I must adjust established and valuable mindsets for  - m o v i n g FORWARD - even more. Remember - Father God NEVER changes, ever! As His child, I change, grow/become more like Him - due to His grace and the journey). AND all the unpacking… While there are many who are kind and offered to assist me in this task, I prefer to “set-up” alone. Because it is indeed a process.   

As I unpacked today - remembering my history that brought me to this point, (not longing for what was lost and gone, like the children of Israel as Moses led them out of Egypt). I surveyed the past as steps, that Father God walked me through. I was l overcome with so much gratitude and joy I could not contain myself and called my eldest sister to share about how in unpacking and re-configuring new from old, establishing new routines and reviewing what has been going on… I was/am simply so joy-filled. In truth it has been some time, (decades), since I have had such joy and being so FULL. 

Eventually, I unpacked dishes I made some years ago… They are irreplaceable. Sadly, I was careless with my attention to the detail and care necessary and… two plates, two dessert saucers and two small tea saucers didn’t make the move… But out of brokenness comes new creations… 

in time... 

…Father God’s time. 

This is what the potter’s field is about in Matthew 13:44. Jesus gave His all for the purchase of the potter’s field… filled with broken pottery from the potter - seemingly worthless pieces, broken…. I’ve broken other dishes I’ve made and attempted to glue them back together. Unless one is doing the Japanese art of kintsugi, (repairing broken works with gold filler), simple gluing doesn’t work well with pottery. But Father God sees the potential and knows the worth and so sees the value in broken things and gives His all to redeem and restore… us… me! 

The devil thought he’d rob, steal and kill/destroy my joy - but not today satan-

Restored and repurposed

Soli Deo Gloria,

Nina

Something Totally New - An Adventure, Journey, Mission in Real Time

As I make adjustments in the arrangement of boxes, baggage and furniture in an attempt to show some semblance of order, I’m writing about something totally new - about something that is happening in my real time - a move, a mission, a journey an adventure - all of the above. 

It’s odd, but not, as John 17:14 says, (paraphrased), “…we are to be in the world but not of it”. My short answer to this is: we live of course on planet Earth, with a variety of people who act, more often than not, contrary to the Word of God, so do not be like the people of the Earth - choose to be like our Heavenly Father. 

I am very much aware there are wars and rumors of wars at the top of the news list these daze, still, my focus is what is before me - a mission to go, even amid the constant sounds of sirens, people chattering as they walk pass my apartment to the schools at apposing ends of the street corners, a street sweeper machine sucking up wet debris and the loud beeping as they work in reverse, and if I zero in - eavesdrop on the details of the world outside my window - I may not complete my task, my focus, or live my life as I get pulled away… I am indeed surrounded by the world, but, for the moment, what is taking place outside my windows… and even the sounds of war and it’s effects are only what is broadcasted across the airwaves I do not partake in. 

Am I an ostrich with its head stuck in the sand? Not at all, but when the possibilities of any myriad of incidences that could potentially occur to anyone of us, at any given time - actually happens, we naturally desire the world to stop turning, change it’s focus to be on us, because of the catastrophic events and their effects upon our lives. Our lives have been upended - we cry... Still, the world doesn’t skip a beat. It does not stop, though we wish it would, because something awful has happened… We all must march on in the courses that are laid for each of us; some oblivious, some by preferred choice to ignore what is happening around us, because we are not of that happening… Be it in war torn countries, hidden cartel in rainforest, suburban tree lined streets, to bustling city neighborhoods where another soul dies during any given weekend from gun shootings… We must keep the focus. 

Surely, Jesus, the Son of God, kept His focus. From the day of our creation - He knew the endgame and so did not succumb to the worlds cries or woos - He was in the world but definitely not of the world, never partaking in it as the devil tempted… Jesus kept His focus on the cross, His shedding of His blood and dying for our sins, so we can attest with New Testament saints, He is Risen. He is Risen indeed. Hallelujah! Because He did.

That was a long opening statement just to point out - I am focused on what Father has placed in my heart. He has been working on it since before I was conceived. He had a plan for my life and it seems - it’s time for me to step out of the wilderness, (I’ve been posting about such in the past). And GO… like Abram in Genesis 12, when Father God, “…had said unto Abram, Get thee out of thy country, and from they kindred, and from thy father’s house, unto a land that I will shew thee:..” Abram was 75 when he went on this Father God pre-planned excursion… 

I am nearly seventy years of age, and Father God has Genesis 12’ed me, of sorts. Could I say “no”? Jonah did and he ended up in the belly of a whale that spat, (aka vomited), him out on the shores of where he was supposed to be in the first place, looking really out of place, I imagine; and just fit to be tied. Think about it for a second, I’m sure someone has… Jonah, while I’m sure he was pleased he was not digested by the whale, …he probably didn’t give two cents about how he looked. He hated the Ninevites and believed they were going to perish because they were a wicked people, so what! He looked a mess and smelled, really badly. He didn’t care… He preached his heart out, telling them, they were going to die a worse death than what he had just come from… I digress. 

I’m not going to say “no” to Father God!  

I should say, early sometime during 2025, I began feeling like the servants who were given talents, (yearly wages - all at once, each servant according to his abilities), in Matthew 25:14-30. This is the parable of what the Kingdom of Heaven is like. While we cannot earn our way into Heaven, we do have opportunity to do -  show our love for Father God and so tell others our stories and what brought us to our mindset that we are children of God. Additionally, of course we get to do acts of service, because we can - not for gain. As a believer, whenever asked about “why do you believe as you do?” We should be ready with an answer. Not some rehearsed pat answer, but a thoughtful response from the heart. …And for the sake of clarification, in my opinion some believers approach the subject of GOD from such a high position, that inquiring minds - miss the boat entirely, as to what the believer is talking about. Simply answering why does one believe in God?, especially, when asked, should be a simple answer. “Father God loves me, He sees me and still loves me…”. Some believers forget to come and so speak as a child and simply give honor to God, who means everything to you… That’s all someone who believes really need ever do - The believer doesn’t make the a non-believer believe anyway - nor does Father God - believing is a choice…

Surveying all that has gone on before me… It’s a bit of a wild memoir to record everything that has happened to bring me to this point, but I don’t think I would be stepping out of my comfort zone to do a mission if something else were in the mixture, if there were different variables. Similarly to a recipe, if any of the ingredients were missing or something else was substituted; something else would be the end product. From being conceived out of wedlock - which really matters little to a baby, but back in the 50’s and prior to that time, meant shame, usually for the mom, so I was unplanned and unwanted, but Father God spoke to my mother and said this one shall live, because I have plans that she will accomplish. My mother undoubtedly heard the part - do not kill this one. She didn’t of course, and my life was certainly full of challenges and complications.

Ingredients for my life’s recipe were/are: spicy, distasteful, tears -lots, brokenness, some pleasantries, heart ache, separation, odd seasonings, shattered dreams, falls, missed opportunities, lies, more deception, horrors, more heart ache - it never went away - just dulled, loneliness, questions, tears in the shower, quiet moments, encouragement, cold hands, empty hands, gust of hurricane winds - out of nowhere, scraped knees, cessation of growth, stagnation, wake up calls, light, long walks, cupfuls of sighs…odd combinations, (nearly 70 years of life folks), but for the end product to be - everything was thrown into the mixing bowl of life, (and actually, is still being mixed…).

So, about a year ago, I started looking into kiln shops, because I wanted to get back into ceramics but I didn’t find anything that suited my purposes. I thought I needed to have my own space, but to have a kiln in an apartment is a huge ask and something not usually granted. So I thought, perhaps a small piece of property to the east of me -out of Illinois. I started researching small towns and found one that might work, but Father God clearly gave me an impression that east was not the direction and had me do a 180. To which I retorted, but I know no one out there, to which Father said, but you know Me and I Am everywhere… I could not argue. So, I started researching west of Illinois and found a town similar in size to the community I presently live.The difference, where I live the community is in a two mile radius, in the town I was exploring in North Dakota same number of people, but spread out among twenty miles. People are different when they have space to breathe. A good difference.

While in this twenty square mile town, I discovered a thriving art community and thought it would be great to offer art classes to calm the soul and bring peace, most importantly, share my Jesus. So hopelessly idyllic - makes me even smile at my innocence, at my age, but it also felt that I would be recreating something that was already there. I wanted to provide services for people who had none. 

So I left small town A for an even smaller town - B, (this latter town could fit within two blocks in Chicago, but again it’s spread out among 4-5 square miles instead of 2 blocks - S P A C E makes a difference folks…). Then about late summer, early fall of last year Father brought to mind an old dream P.L.A.C.E., my old dissertation focus for the Ph.D. I never went for, but went for the National Boards instead, (add regret and time waster to the recipe). PLACE was an acronym for People Linked Across Community for Education, but I had some new twist to this possibility… Once upon a time, I wanted to open a restaurant that would be pay as you can. I wanted to have a garden out back and so serve fresh sandwiches and salads in the summer and spring - and awesome desserts and soups and sandwiches in the fall and winter - an awesome desserts. I dreamt of my arts being on the walls, people eating food from dishes I made… A family like community of people… 

Well the twist was to have a gallery space to showcase art work of folks who attended open studio times. I’d teach art classes for inter-generational groups of about 8 folks and we’d come together even for sourdough bread making classes and camaraderie. I’d live on the premises and have a garden out back and I’d service folks looking for a creative outlet and space to thrive, breathe; to create calm and peace in this chaotic world. To share about my Jesus and what He has in store for us… I now had a vision as to what could be… and encouragement and words from many friends and strangers and decided to seek for a place and found one… A small tiny place with a dying “downtown” space and low numbers. I thought I had found the perfect location in the downtown of town B. The property seemed to be waiting for such a dreamer as myself. I wrote a GoFundMe proposal and traveled to actually see the possibility. 

… But not everyone shares dreams, or hopes, or visions or much of anything, nor sees endless possibilities…, because - remember - we all have choice! Though the property had been on the market, the seller had other thoughts - no dreams!

I was nearly devastated… By the evening of the second day of my arrival, foolishly believing I was what the seller was waiting for… True I felt foolish - to allow myself to be so hopeful. To take a leap of faith, because I believed I was to serve. The world is so cruel to fools like myself. Joni Mitchell’s Song “Both Sides Now” got stuck in my head as I lamented to God! I came because You said for me to come!… add ugly crying to the mix, (thank you niece-y)… But my beloved Father reminded me… Folks did the same thing to His Son, Jesus! He came to SAVE ALL of humanity and what did the world do? Crucified, my Jesus! All I did was leave Chicago… Jesus left HEAVEN! 

Ok! Thunks on the head are in that recipe too.

Three different people had mentioned about an art teacher position open at the high school and after the third comment about, I thought, perhaps this is the method by which Father desires me to be of service… and other opportunities had also began to poke through my gloom, … So, I began to widen my gaze and see other possibilities as well. As long as I can do art, provide art services and provide/create a S P A C E, and extend hospitality - I’d be sharing my talents and not hiding them as did the servant who had one talent - (things didn’t work out too well for him - read his story in Matthew 25)…

So I applied… The position was dropped, because the department was being dropped… but please don’t do that! Students of all ages need fine visual arts! It’s the creative outlet that is the release valve of life. Take avenues for creativity away and one is left with dull institutional grey and that’s a poor rabbit hole to venture down… So there are promises of future discussions once I arrive and become a resident of small town B that truly doesn’t have much in the way of visual fine arts. Father God pointed out having a home there begins the first task of hospitality… and of course, I could always teach sourdough bread making out of my home - not for gain of course, other than sharing the bread making experience, (I neglected to mention that I’ve been on a bread journey for about 3 years now and sourdough got added into the mix about two years ago - Such to the point - it is now a science to me, but so much fun…watch the bread making time on Chelsea’s Clippings on YouTube - so much fun). Home would still be the sanctuary - open to all whom Father sends my way and art classes are already happening. I was in town during Holy Week providing an art experience for youth and there is a promise of more to come at other venues throughout small town B - with such great endless possibilities…I’m just willing. One pastor on my previous journeys said because I’m willing to go - it makes me dangerous - in a good way - like, the enemy knows I’m in this for the endgame. To God be the Glory!

I would be remiss to not mention at this point the numerous people who I have met alone this entire journey, adventure, mission… my life! From family to the dear young and older people I’ve met on my train rides across this vast country. I write your names down on my prayer sheet and pray for you - bringing your cares and discussions with me to Father God. Your words of encouragement and wisdom are priceless. There are also those who have received words at just the right time and so obediently spoke to me, sent me texts and scriptures - that was Father God using you amazingly in the moment. You know who you are and I have told you of my discouragement, when I have looked at the wind, and what you said and sent was exactly, what I needed - How can that be? - but God. There are several of you who gave gifts only for the recognization of Father God’s words of saying well done thy good and faithful servant. You have partnered with me and made this endeavor a reality… I am overwhelmed with gratitude for ALL of you and of course gladly open my home to all whom Father sends who wish to visit me after May, (winters are fierce in North Dakota -but if you have a hankering to visit in the negative digits I will always receive you). To those who have come to pack, clean with me, be with me EVERYONE is indeed priceless to me. To those dear and beloved new friends - you are so precious already - going beyond the call, for me - a stranger from Chicago. I am humbled and feel cared for - you must meet your counter-parts when they come visit. 

You all know I have the gift of writing way too many words - it’s like the dense moisture in snow. It’s better in the snow rather the rain least it be a flood. (Thank you my farmer friends)… Should Father tarry, there will be more postings of what’s happening in small town B in North Dakota. :-) and how He’s weaving His words into the hearts of folks to get them to look up, because He’s coming soon…

Soli Deo Gloria,

Nina

Something Old for April - But a New Creation

Jeremiah 17: 9 The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?

Jesus Christ IS risen indeed!

Hallelujah!

Jeremiah 17:9 is not a typical Passion Week nor Resurrection Sunday scripture…

The thief on the cross… The one that believed that Jesus was being unjustly crucified… The same thief that knew he had been justly accused and was receiving the consequences of his actions according to the Roman government. We don’t know this man’s name and sadly, he is usually identified only as the thief on the cross, but the one who believed in Jesus just before He died. 

This man’s conversion, can be considered a foxhole come-to-Jesus moment, as he himself was at death’s door. Still, no matter the time of his changed heart nor the length of time of his  “living for Jesus”… he died with Jesus and so lives with Him now and forever.

This man’s heart was indeed “desperately wicked” and he surely knew it and was utterly without hope,…

… but God.

In light of Jeremiah 17:9, I got to thinking about the “who can know it” part. Many live their lives thinking they are ok and many think even higher than just ok, but too often it isn’t until we are near the end of ourselves that we have the “come to Jesus moment” and see our life’s choices that have brought us to our miserable end. Sometimes, stubbornly, some still; would rather blame others for their bad selfish choices and so go to a miserable end… singing, “I did it my way!”

However, I’m still stuck on the “who can know” part, because there are people - I was one of them, who thought life was following rules - explicitly. I have confessed such, in past posting, that I am a rule follower. Tell me exactly what’s supposed to be done and I “getter done” with zeal - sounds a bit like the apostle Paul, when he was known as Saul. Father God dealt with him too… just as He has dealt with me.  

I see myself in so many folks in scripture… Eve, Tamar 2, Abram, Sarai, Moses, Ruth, Job,…today is Jeremiah, tomorrow, God knows. My point - I did everything that I thought I was supposed to do mainly as a child, (although, for the most part I submitted to the will of my mother to avoid punishment), then as a young adult in college, then as a married woman and then as a mother… Surprise! It did not work out as I thought. Why? Because the heart is deceitful and desperately wicked… and my little pretties many, (all over the world, in all walks of life, the lowly and the rich and famous, to the young and very old…), do not even know it. 

It’s not until we have the lightbulb moment - that reckoning, like the thief on the cross, (not that one must be physically dying at the time, however is, spiritually until…); who finally understood - it’s not the actions - the doing, but the HEART behind the actions and so, the LOVE OF CHRIST JESUS, IN the actions and it is by the grace of God that we can experience this LOVE. Look at the thief on the cross, …both of them. They did all that they wanted in their lives - like many people. I, like many people, contrary to the thieves, did a lot of what I thought was right, but I could never do enough right to be right with God, because of my heart. All of human creation has this sinful-heart issue - no one can escape this issue, pretend all you want… It will get you where the other thief chose at the very end - to die in his sin, paying the ultimate price for all eternity - in hell. 

Choices.

For those who think themselves right with God, because they do all the right things… I’ve heard it said, “standing in a garage once a week for an hour or two, doesn’t make you a car. Translated: attending church and checking that box and other “good works” doesn’t make you right with Father God if your heart is not submitted to HIM. Matthew 7:20-23 “Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them. Not everyone that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the Kingdom of Heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in Heaven. Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? And in thy name have cast out devils? And in thy name done many wonderful works? And then will I [,Jesus] profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.” These good church folks thought they were doing work for the Lord, but their hearts were far from God and so, deceitful - wicked… to the point of their own otherworldly demise. 

Just thinking: does one need to be near death like the thief on the cross, to own-up to the consequences of your choices, (of course, I would venture for query, are we not all terminal - dying?). Of course not, but through reading Father God’s Word, and prayer - seeking Father God earnestly and allowing Him to direct your path - which is scary, but exciting - I’ve learned to loosen my grip on my controls, (it’s taken a long time for me to do this), but there is a peace that comes that I can not explain - only to say -but God. I would even suppose that this peace is what the thief experienced as Jesus held onto his hand, Luke 23:43 “And Jesus said unto him, Verily I say unto thee, today thou shalt be with Me in paradise”, (what an invitation!) Jesus was taking the thief’s hand… as He alone takes hold of those who willingly call on His name. We don’t take His hand - He takes ours - BIG difference. Jesus did the work - always and forever - semper et in aeternum  

Soli Deo Gloria

Nina    

Found lost marbles, 

while packing…