An Added Something New for the Close of May

Life often obscures Eternity and somehow seems ellipse the bigger and more grander picture that Father God intended… He wanted us to have so much more… 

But we get focused on what we see with our eyes… 

…But we shouldn’t.

Traveling home from visiting with my grandchildren… by train, I was keenly aware of the sun setting as I made my way homeward. The skies were grey for most of the trip and we were delayed an hour plus, (I expect such, traveling by train - life!), but then I noticed the sky with a beautiful sunset attempting to break through… It became obscured by trees, however beautifully green they are  - still they broke the view of the setting sun… Then the industry in the area definitely broke the view. It didn’t help that it was a landfill area with rusty silos… 

The view of course, the setting sun, was still there, reminding me of Heaven.

I get glimpses of Heaven - reminders that Father God is near and then life happens and obscures my view… of Father God… my Hope of Glory. It’s frustrating, for sure… and often I get bogged down with only seeing what’s in front of me - delays and grey, and rust and then a quick passing view of Eternity - refreshment.  A reminder that I’m not alone and then… more of this life… 

…BUT, still never alone. Heaven is always there - like the sun on a cloudy day, (the sun is still in the sky)… Father God is always with His children. 

Soli Deo Gloria 

Nina

Something OLD: I’ve Been Through This Story So Many Times…

I want to make it clear - I am dust. No one of any consequence. I started sharing my ideas, reactions, hopes and dreams - strictly out of obedience to Father God - whom I’m in a fairly regular line of communication/prayer…and He doesn’t grow weary of my chatter - I think this is amazing. I am not an authority on too much of anything. While I do hold degrees… In hindsight - I think they were vain pursuits. Yes, I was able to have employment but I’m now of the mind if people pour themselves into their passions and so hone skills - they can surely share that knowledge without years wasted on producing papers that professors rarely read for degrees that no one really cares about. They could be acquiring skills - practicing… My case in point - medicine is yet a practice! Such a medical professional told me of my health that I was an anomaly - however honest - not the nicest bedside manner and admittance of cluelessness... 

Why do I write and scatter my words to the cyber winds - because Father God carries them to whom He so wills, for His purposes. I am in awe that anyone reads what I write - My prayer is that it is fodder for thought, an impetus to make someone move in a direction - even if it is to make someone s t o p and consider their present direction… 

I am really no one in particular - perhaps no different than the person standing near you waiting for the bus to arrive… looking up at the clouds in the sky… Or the one walking in front of you reaching for the ends of the grasses that sway in the wind or are just wet with the morning dew… Speak to them - they may be waiting to share a thought for the day… just because something neat popped into their head.  

 

A Thought for a Day:

It is the complications of my life that keep me up at night… Sometimes I’m working out a design problem or waiting on inspiration from Father God and I put the cart before the horse and… complications start churning… But design problems are minor in comparison to complications that involve other people. I can’t live other people’s lives, (in truth I don’t want to live extra lives - that’s a bit on the psychotic side)… So the worry of the complications I believe will surely manifest on the horizon, are just the things that keep me up at night… As if Father God does not have it ALL under His control. He’s God. I am not. It’s crazy that I do not rest without this worry. I do sleep, but sometimes… I wake & worry, (warring cousins)… and so I call out Jesus’ name and eventually, fall back into slumber… You do know there is such power in just Jesus’ name, (not magic - but authoritative supreme power). Remember it’s hallowed - not to be taken lightly.

Still, I am reminded too often of my Lord saying, most lovingly to Martha, “Dear sister Martha - you do the most…When only one thing is needful and dear sister Mary, (I suppose her to be the younger sister), [oddly] chooses what is right…”. God knows she chose so poorly before, but maybe that’s what makes her sense of sight - so keen, so tuned into the Lord - her Lord - Jesus… Un-complicate your life from stuff and people and stop chasing after that which can not satisfy nor give you Life… 

Jesus only gives life - the un-complicated - abundant life - and it is good. 

Think for a minute about what is the abundant life that Jesus offers - and consider how un-complicated that abundant life is… Abundance doesn’t necessarily equate to lots of unnecessary stuff - surely not with the Lord… I’m just thinking out loud, because abundance does mean more - a lot of more… BUT, coming from the Lord it’s not a complicated -more - it’s good.

I can not manage other people, but yet I busy myself with so much worry for those whom I have absolutely - no power over - other people, (no one wants to be inside my head and hear the conversations about those other people - whom I love dearly, by the way)… Father God does not have power over the hearts of mankind… We all have free will. For some of us - like Martha we care too much for other people, (perhaps for the wrong reasons, i.e., people pleasing). The motivation is off. We think we’re helping - we want to make everything perfect. We think it may put us in a better light. We think so little of ourselves that surely, we must - are compelled to do - the most, because… we are so messed up that we have to show ourselves better than what folks think, (read this next sentence slowly) - even though we imagine it all… People really care so much less about who and what we are - than we think. In other words - they are NOT thinking about you! Really. (…And if this is your motivation for doing - think again). Sometimes, we think we can save the world - we have just the right formula, just the right food, just the right words, just the right presentation to share… anything - we can get it and help everyone… I can’t. You can’t. Even IF we all work together - we still can’t. Only…

…Jesus does that - saves the world. 

This is not to say, people should not do kindness - but when you’re trapped thinking that everything hinges on you and your actions… there is a problem. There are complications.

If only I literally and figuratively - Let go and Let God - decades ago! I know it’s an old once upon a time overused cliché… But it’s so true. As I review my own life and look back over the lives of the folks on my prayer list… I can see so many -shoulda done-s and what ifs… And of course, let’s review scripture: What if the children of Israel chose Jesus as their Messiah… What if Sarah never suggested that Abraham use poor Hagar as a surrogate wife… What if the children of Israel believed Caleb and Joshua when they spied out Canaan, the Promised Land… What if Joseph was never sold into slavery…What if dear mother Eve and father Adam stood their ground against the serpent … 

Playing the game of re-writing history doesn’t make it true. Re-writing what didn’t happen makes a lie and so makes more problems/complications to solve and work through. While the truth may be difficult to live with - accepting the truth is necessary for un-complicating life… I think it has the potential to force the issue/question - what does one do to move on? 

Choices

Continue to work harder to build the wall to keep everyone out that does not think like you - like controlling the temperature to keep life the same. No deviations. One wears blinders all of the time. 

OR…

Live in reality and accept the truth and move on. Let Father God have the controller. The latter is scary, but loosens the burden, the weight, the complications… It’s a faith step. One has to be willing to relinquish the comfort of the old guard - that feast on yourself… It hurts. It surely is not tasty - in fact it’s very bitter and so unfulfilling… and you have to listen to another Voice - Father God’s Voice that is quiet and calm and sure.

So much complicated brokenness, but not beyond Father God.   

Soli Deo Gloria,

Nina

Something New for May: True Confessions of a Mom - A Gift to the Children

 

It’s really still April when I’m writing this… but, I believe my sentiment may wax cold as the days turn, but, since it is approaching Mother’s Day here in the states… I’m sensing that what’s in my head now, isn’t just for me, nor is it because it’s Mother’s Day on the horizon; but because I know a fair amount of moms and we ponder our memories… 

I know moms of many children and moms of one… Some of those children are blood related, while others are through adoption. To clarify - natural or adopted - the children are ours. I only make the distinction because people are confused as to how, large amounts of sometimes varying children; come from one woman… Sometimes people are nosy and ask questions or don’t - they just look and judge, incorrectly… I’m not sure which is better or worse, but for the sake of this ramble… 

We be moms of children.

The vast majority of my lady friends and acquaintances have children who are adults, (25- 40+), and those children have children of their own - so we are grandmothers. Being a grandmother is special - totally different from being a mom. I have no desire to re-do my failed parenting, but do enjoy the precious time that I get to spend with the grand babies. I don’t take it for granted and so focus mainly on the grandchildren in ways that I couldn’t as a mom to my adult children, when we were all younger… which is a nice transition to my topic…

When I was a mom of children… 

This is a reflective piece (something I’ve pondered/chewed upon), that I believe is universal, because moms are motherly no matter the culture or country. Like dear Mary, the mother of our Lord Jesus; she “…pondered them in her heart.” This means Mary thought about what was being said, (the them), of her newly born Son, Jesus, via shepherds, (no less), who found them in a manger, because the angel of the Lord, then a multitude of heavenly host of angels; gave them the best news ever -Luke 2:8-20. Imagine that, shepherds, (the outcast workers of the day), being graced with such news… We should all be so willing to glorify and praise God “…for all the [Good News] Things [we have heard]”… but I digress, again.  

Speaking for myself and the moms I know, we developed and/or grew into the sacrificial beings we were. I say were not because we do not sacrifice now - it’s just different now. We sacrifice now only when we receive “the call…” Before we sacrificed because it was our only reaction to everything and everyone about us at any given moment. This was a time of utter exhaustion, (add in working multiple jobs outside the home, volunteering at church and shelters, managing schedules … stuff), but we didn’t stop - we just plowed on through to the next need…We were burdened with the physical and emotional weight of our children - their mixed baggage of unsettled emotional turmoil of youth. If our children were not in chaos/conflict with us at any particular moment, then it was with a sibling, or their friend/school, or the trifecta - a combination of all three…  Now as 65-75 year old women, we think occasionally about ourselves. In this we give consideration to our thoughts when we sit still. 

Ponder. 

For myself, I think a lot about the past… Because my adult children tell me about their perceptions of their past, (as if I weren’t there), and seem to want “reparations” of sorts. Not monetary, but something intangible that makes up for what they feel, they were deprived of during childhood. Feelings are not necessarily factual, (not based on reality), and are colored by time and whom, whose ear is listening… Some listening ears like trauma bonding and make an issue out of what really was not and so create a mess - for the adult child - that listening ear, (aka - a friend of the adult child who has no life, but I keep silent about their friend choices because after all, they are adults and can choose whomever they desire to have in their inner circle… Oddly, our children do share their opinions about our friends…Hmmm)…

Reparations. 

It’s not enough to acknowledge I was so far out of the ball park of what was perceived as needed… and that I am deeply sorry about all that was wrong, not given, every mis-spoken word, undeserved paddling, every missed moment, the stuff I forgot… every brunt cookie… for everything… But, saying sorry doesn’t seem to be enough, ever, either, (I’ve apologized multiple times)… and so… To ask as Nicodemus did of Jesus about the physically impossible - No adults can not re-enter into their mother’s womb… Re-birth is definitely a spiritual matter. Likewise, in the case of my adult children seemingly, wanting to return to the past to right the wrongs… it still is a spiritual matter. 

The adult children do need to return to Father God for healing, because just like Nicodemus returning to his mom; it’s not going to work. Mom is not the source of the good life and restoration - only Jesus is.

Still, I’ve done some thinking on how I could offer reparations to my adult children and IF it were in my power - it is good it is not - but if it were - never being born myself seems to be the only answer to make everything right for them, because they - then, would never have been mothered by me. Their problems, shortcomings, missed needs, neglect, hurt, abuse, everything wrong with their lives would never exist. And of course nothing good would as well… The myriad of positives they would have had with others would never exist either - so much missed joy… It’s called life - good and bad.

Life is messy since the fall, (and that’s putting it very nicely). We all miss the mark. Adult children seem to only see the specks in dear mother’s eye and totally neglect the beams in their own… 

NEWSFLASH!!! We did not parent perfect children. 

We perpetuated the sin nature when we were born and so in our children did the same… and did they grow out of it? No!.. But, immersed themselves and totally embraced it like wearing something stylish… like, “Doesn’t this sin look good on me?” We all did. Sadly.

BUT - sin nature and all - we as moms still L O V E D you sacrificially and tried our best - even when exhausted- to be what we could never be - perfect… We were just - enough …and for this we are sorry and truly acknowledge all that we tried at and failed …  Sometimes when I listen to my adult children, there was never any good… no good memories… 

Sigh…

… But what of now? 

Moving forward from this day… My intention is not to deny anything, (feelings included),… but, I won’t bring up your stuff ... I abandoned it long ago - every time I’ve held you in my arms…  and how about you- try to walk across that bridge into tomorrow - with me. This life is really short… time is precious now, in truth it always has been. I know mothering was a season and seasons change, but your mom, I’ll always be.

Get Jesus my loves… Your perception of so much will improve as will your heart - for an eternity. The heavy burdens you carry - Jesus took them to the cross. Truly… He really did.

Soli Deo Gloria

Nina aka Your mom always ❤️

Confession of Sin

Merciful Lord, pardon all the sins of my life, of omission and commission, of lips, life and walk, of hard-heartedness, unbelief, pride, of bringing dishonor on Your great name, of impurity in thought, word and deed, of covetousness, which is idolatry. Pardon all my sins, known and unknown, felt and unfelt, confessed and unconfessed, remembered or forgotten. Good Lord, hear, and hearing, forgive!

The Valley of Vision

“As far as the east is from the west, so far hath He removed our transgressions from us.”

Psalm 103:12