An Added Something Before We Close Out June

 I’ve been pondering my perspectives… That sounds a bit redundant… repetitive somehow...

The Past: I surely can look back and see where I’ve been, however, my perception of events does fade over time… The important events stand out, while the details, literally fall by the wayside… like the proverbial books on the shelf without bookends… 

The Now: The present is now, (I know -a really big profound thought), but, it’s where most folks live - in the now…Some do not. It’s difficult to argue contradicting thoughts on the now, when we are all living it. However, what plays into the distortions of the present -sometimes, are those with evil intent and so the gaslighting whispers. The serpent - aka - the devil, did so to dear mother Eve, (and won BIG), and he attempted to do so to Jesus… (There are a ton more examples, but these are two big ones that serve my point for explanation). Just a drop of poison in a glass of pure water taints the entire glass… So, sadly… many folks are questioning what they know is true - even when they see it all with their own eyes…

BUT… 

There’s the future… That thing we argue about all day long, every day… 

“No I’m right!” 

        “No! I’m right!!!”

“No! You’re’ both wrong! I’m right… I KNOW what’s going to happen!”

As far as seeing into the future, for me, (of course, I don’t see the future. I believe scriptures and have faith) … Father God WINS! The devil surely looses. When I am no longer here on this earth - I WILL be with Father God in Heaven because I received the sacrificial Gift of the Blood atonement, (payment), for my sins, (ALL of them), thanks be to Jesus Christ - Son of God. Father God says, no sin in Heaven - you must be washed clean by the Blood of His Son Jesus - freely given for such a purpose - no one else EVER has done this, nor could - Only Jesus!

…But, my point - we as believers argue and divide, drawing lines in the sand and ready for a fight over lots of stuff we don’t know too much about - The future. Yes! For sure, read scripture, a lot is there. It’s for edifying, encouraging - giving the blessed Hope, showing the right way to live in this fallen world that we get to - p a s s - through! But many godly people argue about that which they know not and so presume to be god - knowing it all. Whatever happen to faith? Father God has got it , (the managing of the universe), or He does not! 

Do not worry… Father God has got it!

For me scripture is black and white. I believe it cover to cover…I’m not changing one word that addresses me… For example, some folks would rather we live under the law, attempting perfection… When it’s purpose is to let us know when we do wrong and so provide the standard - Father God’s standard. But Jesus gave us freedom from the law in that we do NOT use the law as a means to usurp GRACE - because we can not work our way to Heaven. We can not be good enough to take up residence in Heaven on our own… least there would be no need for Jesus’ sacrifice and Blood….

How Father must shake His head at His children…

What’s the important thing. Tell a non-believer or someone who’s doubting, about what and why Jesus did what He did for them… TELL THEM JESUS LOVES THEM! And SERVE… 

Father God draws those that belong to Him and He DOES the work… We just get to walk along side of a person, we get to plant, we get to water, we get to prune, we get to encourage… We get to do whatever it is, (for those listening), Father God wants us to do… and just keep trying - even if you mess up or miss an opportunity…

I confess… I am a rule follower aka a bit of a Pharisee, - I am ashamed to state such. I am a stickler for doing “things” the way it’s supposed to be done, (not so much attempting perfection…but crazy, I know for a person who thinks outside of the box in the area of creativity). I like order and for me, order comes from following rules… even ones made up in my head… I have driven so many people, co-workers, family, my children - to swear, I’m sure; under their breath - because of the way IT is supposed to be done. I’m sorry folks…

BUT… I know this world does not operate anything close to what it should be because the prince of this world is at large… the devil… And his time is so short that he’s ramped up his agenda - so it seems… and in the words of chicken little, “… The sky is falling! The sky IS falling!” Not an acorn. Not pretend! Not a joke! This is not a simulation! This is NOT a drill!

This world IS coming to an end… In my last posting I said I was a like a pessimist… so, a realist… 

JESUS IS COMING. Great News! So…

TELL SOMEONE JESUS DIED IN THEIR PLACE -TAKING THEIR SIN PUNISHMENT BY GIVING ALL OF HIS BLOOD FOR THEM… 

LOVE PEOPLE - (not necessarily pets - take care of the pets, but the investment should not be on par with another human - I know I ruffled feathers, (pun), here! I do prefer people!) 

READ your Bible. I prefer KJV

S l o w your lives down if you can… Look for the details about you… So much is still very beautiful. Stop with the vain pursuits… and just see!!!

Stop looking to fight… Like, why are you fighting? Really folks? I’m talking about among your children, family, neighbors, co-workers, friends, etc. Do you really want to die on that hill?

Serve: You don’t have to find a soup kitchen or whatever… For some of you that’s way out of your comfort zone, hence, why you pour yourself into a pet… I’m just saying…(Short Aside Story - I should explain. I am a retired teacher. Once an upon a time we weren’t allowed to eat nuts or have anything nut related in our rooms nor even in the school… because of allergies. The schools went the extreme… BUT NOW people with pets can enter grocery stores, buses, trains, restaurants… with their “Comfort Pets!” Totally ignoring those of us who are allergic to them - Our health doesn’t matter! I extend a lot of grace to comfort pets… but it is unnerving - especially when I’m walking the WIDE circle around you and your pet and you suppose I want to pet your animal because - why?! - I digress - See my Pharisee-ism, (kind of), is shining through today)… 

You can share - some - of what you have. You can smile - really, such a small thing if it’s genuine. You can laugh at the little children walking by being silly. You can listen to the stranger on the bus or train… minimally, offer some tissue.  … There so much you can do that is so small, but can mean the world to someone  a l o n e,  h u r t i n g,  b ro ken… 

Love - respect others. These are cousins.

For sure… The world is winding down… What are you going to do my beloved?

Soli Deo Gloria,

Nina

A felting project I did with my oldest daughter

 

Something New for June

 My children have often come close to calling me a naysayer, cynical… 

They would say I have a preoccupation…

with dying. But they never focus on what I am actually saying and that is: IF one is a believer then, surely the next life is way better than the present - even on the best of days. Still, I make it a point in these posting to encourage folks to live for the day they have and make it the best day ever… because this life as we live and breathe  - is short… Eternity is forever and sadly, very few folks have their eyes on - the forever prize… 

My children talk about what they plan to do, assuming that everything goes according to their plans… Not to be the naysayer, but there are no guarantees in this life… I’ve learned to plan for the future but not hold onto that which can be so dramatically upended…by someone else’s plans. People who sleep soundly are sadly caught unaware of plans of war as they nestle next to their loved ones… Ask anyone literally caught in the throes of people in power in any given country anywhere in the world… They trusted, as they slept silently, that all was well and right in their world… and then it was not… Horribly not. At one moment people are singing praises to God and then locked in their church and burned a lived…

This insanity that is happening worldwide is not what any average hard working person expected, (not that those at either end of the spectrum expect either)… But it’s not just within the world’s political scene. There is a lawlessness that is incomprehensible everywhere… Where what is totally evil is now renamed, repackaged and totally redefined and presented as good. From what is done to unborn children, to “consenting minors”, non-consenting minors, (those children that are trafficked), to young adults strung out fentanyl…

I sound like a pessimist… I am realist because my Hope is so not of this world. I do not wear rose colored glasses, but I have a Hope - JESUS.

So how does one enjoy life in the face of such unspeakable evil? Where is the JOY of the Lord that is my strength… I know I am weak folks… But when I am so… then my God is strongest in me and rises up. It is not me that people see, but Father God working through me to accomplish His plan, (a way better plan than I could ever come up with). It blows me totally away that Father would even bother to use me… I’ve been broken and found in the potter’s field and called His treasure… Unbelievable, I know… And Father God pieces me back together and repurposes this old broken soul… This is why He is God and I am not. 

This part starts my short rant: I stare at a blank canvas for some time before I make a mark… Not because I’m contemplating. I fearful from my past mess-ups… So why bother? See IF I were god - I’d see the mess-ups and say - that free-will stuff is for the birds… Those creatures called humans  - created in my image - totally screwed up… Scrap the project… See I’d be the god off in the corner of the universe happy by myself… Who needs their love? But I digress again!!! 🤷🏾‍♀️

I enJOY reading Father’s Word daily, throughout the day. I enJOY going for walks, talking to people that I meet - engaging in idle chit-chat. I enJOY looking at clouds, and birds, touching leaves, smelling the earth after a heavy rain. I enJOY being creative - doing art-ing, ( Father’s hand-over-hand with me ), and making sourdough bread … BUT then I think how can I enjoy anything when so many people are in such desperate straits… dying - and so many without the hope of Jesus… As a believer - this is my bottomline - to die without salvation is hell …and I make bread? I paint a pretty picture? I walk through fields of spongy clover - just moistened by summer rains? It’s such a paradox - something in contradiction to what is. But to live in a stoic state is not living in the JOY, in the abundant life that Jesus said we have despite circumstances - that are constantly changing.   

People go about their lives everyday unaware of the doom that will beset them… They either willingly believe a lie that nothing is wrong and so gaslight everyone who opposes their views or simply are truly unaware that life - is that bad. When something turns sours they play the blame game without realizing that the table and occupants seated around the table are in a constant state of change - while the game goes on… Same game just varying players - constantly. In politics you’ve heard it said - “left wing or right wing - the wings belong to the same one bird”. 

Are you getting my point?… My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus own righteousness… Jesus and the Hope of the good life IS only in HIM. Beloved this is not based upon what I think of Father God, but what I know of Father God from His Word. I’ve said it several times do NOT make Father God into a being that is like yourself, so likewise, far be it from me to tell you what I think about Him… This is why reading scripture for yourself is so important as well as praying = having conversations with Father God without ceasing, (listen more than talk). 

Yes, a day rarely passes without me praying, ‘Lord Jesus, come quickly’, (Revelation 22). I see no other Hope for this world - once perfect and beautiful - Paradise… most assuredly lost. We need Jesus’ intervention. We cannot fix this mess ourselves. We are not evolving into something better. Let me burst that bubble - Darwin was a lair… and there’s no Santa Claus nor Easter bunny - all these things are not of God folks. Do I want happy, joyous times… of course… But I will praise Father God even in the darkest of storms. Good times are indeed fleeting, so it best to know how to get back up once you fall, because we fall, fail faint… more than enjoy and appreciate the nice mountain tops… Set your eyes on Jesus. Stay focused. May I suggest listening to old hymns. They are rugged - those writers, (read their testimonies), went through some wretched storms and came out by the grace of God with Father’s Light shining for others… 

Read Father’s Word. Talk and listen for Him without ceasing. Sing hymns.

Jesus is coming soon… You’ve gotta tell someone… Plant a seed… Father brings the increase.

Soli Deo Gloria

Nina

Foraging today-Father’s provision 
Even in the city as I walk about…
Look at my God!

Something Old for June and Some Random Thoughts to Chew Upon

 

From 2023 and even now.

I have been thinking about what is prayer again. What battle are you facing in your life that requires powerful, meaningful prayer? In looking at my own prayers as they relate to God and what I "hear" and/or His response - I must simply listen. Prayer is a conversation between Father and the pray-er. Would you broadcast your private conversations between yourself and a friend?

And the asking for forgiveness... as a follower of Christ we know we are already forgiven - it is something really, that needs not to be "reviewed" constantly with God, (for myself, like a little child whose been caught being naughty; I want to make sure Father yet loves me, in spite of my disobedience - He still does!); but, it would be better we "confess", (and so honestly acknowledge them to ourselves), and so, go before God to seek out His guidance for a better, less sinful walk... Matthew 6 

Folks I’m just thinking aloud here… Needless to say, this is not gospel… Just an older lady thinking.

…and what does it mean to “Bless the Lord”.  Worship, honor, uplift, to consecrate, invoke favor, celebrate, thanking, approve of… These are all synonyms and the list is way longer…

In church people applaud… Lifting their hands towards Heaven where we seem to presume Father God is… but is He not, all around us?  And scripture says, in Psalm 51:17 “The sacrifices, (gifts) of God are a broken spirit: a broken and contrite heart, O God, Thou wilt not despise.” Actually, there are many Psalms that speak of “blessing” God, (please read them)… When we bless someone, it’s usually a gift that is given or support or special acknowledgement… So coming before Father with such a mindset of giving - what could we possibly give to God, but our broken hearts for Him to use for His glory. Father God wants His children Home with Him, so being useful - sharing the Hope and Glory - makes Him pleased - blessed. The closest analogy I can imagine is when - once upon a time - all my children were with me in church - I was always so happy/joy-filled having my babies seated around me, (I do long for this now…)… I know that Father desires all to come to Him, but sadly, not everyone will, but it is a gift/blessing that we can give to Father, sharing about Jesus’ sacrifice and love, so those who will come - will. 

Also, “Then spake Jesus again unto them, saying, I am the Light of the world: he that followeth Me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life.” John 8:12

What does that light look like coming from Christ followers, to the world? I think, it is not so much a physical appearance, but a behavior, a state of being. Is it that thing that sets you a part? Do you feel burden with something about you that causes others to shy away from you - and you don’t even know what it is, and so you may feel lonely… Remember, feelings are deceptive- you are a chosen son or daughter of the King - and so you do indeed look more and more like Him everyday, (and since Father God is Spirit then that look is a spiritual look). The world fears exposure and runs in the opposite direction away from the light… Sadly, the world - some believers included - prefer to believe a lie… A lie that only comes from the father of all lies… “You did the wrong thing,… You should have kept your mouth shut!,… You should never try, you’re only going to fail - again.,… You are alone, no one cares, no one sees what you do…” All seed lies beloved. Frankly speaking, I could write a book on the lies that I and other folks I’ve allowed to garden in my heart. Do NOT believe the lies… Seek Father in His Word and talk with Him - without ceasing. Like breathing - you can not live without doing it, so is the case with Father’s Word and time with Him. 

From 2023: I just had a thought . Isn't it interesting that God brings about major conquering changes by using sound? Remember at the walls of Jericho? The children of Israel had to shout after they marched around the walls seven times and there was another time when they had to break pots and so they won a battle because the folks were confused. There are other times but this is why I think the Rapture trumpet will be a pitch that only Father's children will hear... and so we will be translated in a twinkling of an eye...That loud and that fast... 😉

2024  God is so good... everyday! He gives one thing, (actually, He gives a ton), but we take it for something different or less and really it's something so much better. He alone takes death and says it's New Life!  A crazy paradox but with God -endless beautiful possibilities! 

2024 How do you think God gives us relief from our sin/sinful past? Especially since nothing is ever wasted… Father repurposes. Thanks be to Father God, He gives us a changed perspective on our behaviors… good and bad and changes them for His glory. We get a testimony… Also, lessons for others and/or lessons we get to re-learn when we forget… Seventy times seventy…

2025 What do you suppose when Father God is silent? When people I love are silent for whatever reason, I start assuming way too much - mainly thinking - what did I do wrong? However, in the case with Father God, I assume the same but sometimes I suppose there’s a lesson I’m missing… But, I just heard a thought - sometimes Father wants me to see what I would do…in His silence. It’s an opportunity for me to develop or grow my relationship with Him - Faith . It’s similar, (not the same), to when Father asked Adam, “Where are you?” Father God knew where Adam was, but Adam didn’t know his own state of mind, nor his own heart towards Father God… Perhaps IF Adam had given the question some deeper THOUGHT… Maybe, I wouldn’t be giving any thought to this question at all… 

Last thought… On dark and light: You know the darkness is as light to Father. He sees all that you do in the dark- but once again we put Father God in a box of our own making and say, “Oh God is like this-He is like me!” You do know what you do in the dark, but you pretend that you do nothing and that Father God, being like you, (this is a grave mistake- to make Father like us and so small and incapable of anything… but I digress…), can’t see what you pretend isn’t there. Father God can see into the dark and has no fear - He made that darkness - its cloak hides nothing from Father. Come out of the darkness into Father’s Light. 

One more thought, before posting - I had a silly thought but not so much… What if folks walked around with signs or stickers saying “Hello my name is”_____ (insert a characteristic), describing the type of people they are. Then I thought again - many people may never be spoken to because of their character and/or lack thereof. I thought about this because I’m going a trip by rails, (my preferred mode of travel), and I usually don’t engage people unless they start speaking with me… Once upon a time, (I’ve shared this in a past posting), I’ve been told I was very gullible aka lacked discernment… Hence, why I do tend to stay to myself - unless Father God prods me onward… But, with the use of handy character stickers - problem solved, right? But this is exactly why Father God allows us free will… We get to choose and figure life out our way -because of love… not because we know everything ahead of time… Father does not leave us alone, (and He alone knows everything about everybody). He is with us every step of the way and we get to choose His way or not. Think about it for a minute… He knows exactly what we are going to do - imagine how painful it is knowing everyone’s bad and hurtful decisions… So imagine knowing someone’s character and so never speaking to them, because he or she is that type of person. It’s kind of like stereotyping… In some cases some people never get the opportunity to show how different they are because of a sticker/stereotype… but your simple kind greeting or even just a smile at someone could make the difference to a self damming perception… Because people can CHANGE - thank God! It’s that choice thing! We do have free will to be our stickers or grow to be better, different,… and so get rid of the stickers. 

I take risk, even being an old bird; every day. For me I think this is what Father God wants me to do. It’s not lacking discernment, but trusting Father God to guide me to whom I should speak and share a thought with… No, I don’t take strangers home with me… anymore… Do I share the food I may have… yes. Do I take steps in faith… always… Of course, most people I think have me pegged as soon as they see me… I think. I pray that they see my Father’s Love… for this there should never be a sticker needed. 

Soli Deo Gloria, 

Happy Father’s Day ABBA 

Nina 🙃

An Added Something New for the Close of May

Life often obscures Eternity and somehow seems ellipse the bigger and more grander picture that Father God intended… He wanted us to have so much more… 

But we get focused on what we see with our eyes… 

…But we shouldn’t.

Traveling home from visiting with my grandchildren… by train, I was keenly aware of the sun setting as I made my way homeward. The skies were grey for most of the trip and we were delayed an hour plus, (I expect such, traveling by train - life!), but then I noticed the sky with a beautiful sunset attempting to break through… It became obscured by trees, however beautifully green they are  - still they broke the view of the setting sun… Then the industry in the area definitely broke the view. It didn’t help that it was a landfill area with rusty silos… 

The view of course, the setting sun, was still there, reminding me of Heaven.

I get glimpses of Heaven - reminders that Father God is near and then life happens and obscures my view… of Father God… my Hope of Glory. It’s frustrating, for sure… and often I get bogged down with only seeing what’s in front of me - delays and grey, and rust and then a quick passing view of Eternity - refreshment.  A reminder that I’m not alone and then… more of this life… 

…BUT, still never alone. Heaven is always there - like the sun on a cloudy day, (the sun is still in the sky)… Father God is always with His children. 

Soli Deo Gloria 

Nina

Something OLD: I’ve Been Through This Story So Many Times…

I want to make it clear - I am dust. No one of any consequence. I started sharing my ideas, reactions, hopes and dreams - strictly out of obedience to Father God - whom I’m in a fairly regular line of communication/prayer…and He doesn’t grow weary of my chatter - I think this is amazing. I am not an authority on too much of anything. While I do hold degrees… In hindsight - I think they were vain pursuits. Yes, I was able to have employment but I’m now of the mind if people pour themselves into their passions and so hone skills - they can surely share that knowledge without years wasted on producing papers that professors rarely read for degrees that no one really cares about. They could be acquiring skills - practicing… My case in point - medicine is yet a practice! Such a medical professional told me of my health that I was an anomaly - however honest - not the nicest bedside manner and admittance of cluelessness... 

Why do I write and scatter my words to the cyber winds - because Father God carries them to whom He so wills, for His purposes. I am in awe that anyone reads what I write - My prayer is that it is fodder for thought, an impetus to make someone move in a direction - even if it is to make someone s t o p and consider their present direction… 

I am really no one in particular - perhaps no different than the person standing near you waiting for the bus to arrive… looking up at the clouds in the sky… Or the one walking in front of you reaching for the ends of the grasses that sway in the wind or are just wet with the morning dew… Speak to them - they may be waiting to share a thought for the day… just because something neat popped into their head.  

 

A Thought for a Day:

It is the complications of my life that keep me up at night… Sometimes I’m working out a design problem or waiting on inspiration from Father God and I put the cart before the horse and… complications start churning… But design problems are minor in comparison to complications that involve other people. I can’t live other people’s lives, (in truth I don’t want to live extra lives - that’s a bit on the psychotic side)… So the worry of the complications I believe will surely manifest on the horizon, are just the things that keep me up at night… As if Father God does not have it ALL under His control. He’s God. I am not. It’s crazy that I do not rest without this worry. I do sleep, but sometimes… I wake & worry, (warring cousins)… and so I call out Jesus’ name and eventually, fall back into slumber… You do know there is such power in just Jesus’ name, (not magic - but authoritative supreme power). Remember it’s hallowed - not to be taken lightly.

Still, I am reminded too often of my Lord saying, most lovingly to Martha, “Dear sister Martha - you do the most…When only one thing is needful and dear sister Mary, (I suppose her to be the younger sister), [oddly] chooses what is right…”. God knows she chose so poorly before, but maybe that’s what makes her sense of sight - so keen, so tuned into the Lord - her Lord - Jesus… Un-complicate your life from stuff and people and stop chasing after that which can not satisfy nor give you Life… 

Jesus only gives life - the un-complicated - abundant life - and it is good. 

Think for a minute about what is the abundant life that Jesus offers - and consider how un-complicated that abundant life is… Abundance doesn’t necessarily equate to lots of unnecessary stuff - surely not with the Lord… I’m just thinking out loud, because abundance does mean more - a lot of more… BUT, coming from the Lord it’s not a complicated -more - it’s good.

I can not manage other people, but yet I busy myself with so much worry for those whom I have absolutely - no power over - other people, (no one wants to be inside my head and hear the conversations about those other people - whom I love dearly, by the way)… Father God does not have power over the hearts of mankind… We all have free will. For some of us - like Martha we care too much for other people, (perhaps for the wrong reasons, i.e., people pleasing). The motivation is off. We think we’re helping - we want to make everything perfect. We think it may put us in a better light. We think so little of ourselves that surely, we must - are compelled to do - the most, because… we are so messed up that we have to show ourselves better than what folks think, (read this next sentence slowly) - even though we imagine it all… People really care so much less about who and what we are - than we think. In other words - they are NOT thinking about you! Really. (…And if this is your motivation for doing - think again). Sometimes, we think we can save the world - we have just the right formula, just the right food, just the right words, just the right presentation to share… anything - we can get it and help everyone… I can’t. You can’t. Even IF we all work together - we still can’t. Only…

…Jesus does that - saves the world. 

This is not to say, people should not do kindness - but when you’re trapped thinking that everything hinges on you and your actions… there is a problem. There are complications.

If only I literally and figuratively - Let go and Let God - decades ago! I know it’s an old once upon a time overused cliché… But it’s so true. As I review my own life and look back over the lives of the folks on my prayer list… I can see so many -shoulda done-s and what ifs… And of course, let’s review scripture: What if the children of Israel chose Jesus as their Messiah… What if Sarah never suggested that Abraham use poor Hagar as a surrogate wife… What if the children of Israel believed Caleb and Joshua when they spied out Canaan, the Promised Land… What if Joseph was never sold into slavery…What if dear mother Eve and father Adam stood their ground against the serpent … 

Playing the game of re-writing history doesn’t make it true. Re-writing what didn’t happen makes a lie and so makes more problems/complications to solve and work through. While the truth may be difficult to live with - accepting the truth is necessary for un-complicating life… I think it has the potential to force the issue/question - what does one do to move on? 

Choices

Continue to work harder to build the wall to keep everyone out that does not think like you - like controlling the temperature to keep life the same. No deviations. One wears blinders all of the time. 

OR…

Live in reality and accept the truth and move on. Let Father God have the controller. The latter is scary, but loosens the burden, the weight, the complications… It’s a faith step. One has to be willing to relinquish the comfort of the old guard - that feast on yourself… It hurts. It surely is not tasty - in fact it’s very bitter and so unfulfilling… and you have to listen to another Voice - Father God’s Voice that is quiet and calm and sure.

So much complicated brokenness, but not beyond Father God.   

Soli Deo Gloria,

Nina

Something New for May: True Confessions of a Mom - A Gift to the Children

 

It’s really still April when I’m writing this… but, I believe my sentiment may wax cold as the days turn, but, since it is approaching Mother’s Day here in the states… I’m sensing that what’s in my head now, isn’t just for me, nor is it because it’s Mother’s Day on the horizon; but because I know a fair amount of moms and we ponder our memories… 

I know moms of many children and moms of one… Some of those children are blood related, while others are through adoption. To clarify - natural or adopted - the children are ours. I only make the distinction because people are confused as to how, large amounts of sometimes varying children; come from one woman… Sometimes people are nosy and ask questions or don’t - they just look and judge, incorrectly… I’m not sure which is better or worse, but for the sake of this ramble… 

We be moms of children.

The vast majority of my lady friends and acquaintances have children who are adults, (25- 40+), and those children have children of their own - so we are grandmothers. Being a grandmother is special - totally different from being a mom. I have no desire to re-do my failed parenting, but do enjoy the precious time that I get to spend with the grand babies. I don’t take it for granted and so focus mainly on the grandchildren in ways that I couldn’t as a mom to my adult children, when we were all younger… which is a nice transition to my topic…

When I was a mom of children… 

This is a reflective piece (something I’ve pondered/chewed upon), that I believe is universal, because moms are motherly no matter the culture or country. Like dear Mary, the mother of our Lord Jesus; she “…pondered them in her heart.” This means Mary thought about what was being said, (the them), of her newly born Son, Jesus, via shepherds, (no less), who found them in a manger, because the angel of the Lord, then a multitude of heavenly host of angels; gave them the best news ever -Luke 2:8-20. Imagine that, shepherds, (the outcast workers of the day), being graced with such news… We should all be so willing to glorify and praise God “…for all the [Good News] Things [we have heard]”… but I digress, again.  

Speaking for myself and the moms I know, we developed and/or grew into the sacrificial beings we were. I say were not because we do not sacrifice now - it’s just different now. We sacrifice now only when we receive “the call…” Before we sacrificed because it was our only reaction to everything and everyone about us at any given moment. This was a time of utter exhaustion, (add in working multiple jobs outside the home, volunteering at church and shelters, managing schedules … stuff), but we didn’t stop - we just plowed on through to the next need…We were burdened with the physical and emotional weight of our children - their mixed baggage of unsettled emotional turmoil of youth. If our children were not in chaos/conflict with us at any particular moment, then it was with a sibling, or their friend/school, or the trifecta - a combination of all three…  Now as 65-75 year old women, we think occasionally about ourselves. In this we give consideration to our thoughts when we sit still. 

Ponder. 

For myself, I think a lot about the past… Because my adult children tell me about their perceptions of their past, (as if I weren’t there), and seem to want “reparations” of sorts. Not monetary, but something intangible that makes up for what they feel, they were deprived of during childhood. Feelings are not necessarily factual, (not based on reality), and are colored by time and whom, whose ear is listening… Some listening ears like trauma bonding and make an issue out of what really was not and so create a mess - for the adult child - that listening ear, (aka - a friend of the adult child who has no life, but I keep silent about their friend choices because after all, they are adults and can choose whomever they desire to have in their inner circle… Oddly, our children do share their opinions about our friends…Hmmm)…

Reparations. 

It’s not enough to acknowledge I was so far out of the ball park of what was perceived as needed… and that I am deeply sorry about all that was wrong, not given, every mis-spoken word, undeserved paddling, every missed moment, the stuff I forgot… every brunt cookie… for everything… But, saying sorry doesn’t seem to be enough, ever, either, (I’ve apologized multiple times)… and so… To ask as Nicodemus did of Jesus about the physically impossible - No adults can not re-enter into their mother’s womb… Re-birth is definitely a spiritual matter. Likewise, in the case of my adult children seemingly, wanting to return to the past to right the wrongs… it still is a spiritual matter. 

The adult children do need to return to Father God for healing, because just like Nicodemus returning to his mom; it’s not going to work. Mom is not the source of the good life and restoration - only Jesus is.

Still, I’ve done some thinking on how I could offer reparations to my adult children and IF it were in my power - it is good it is not - but if it were - never being born myself seems to be the only answer to make everything right for them, because they - then, would never have been mothered by me. Their problems, shortcomings, missed needs, neglect, hurt, abuse, everything wrong with their lives would never exist. And of course nothing good would as well… The myriad of positives they would have had with others would never exist either - so much missed joy… It’s called life - good and bad.

Life is messy since the fall, (and that’s putting it very nicely). We all miss the mark. Adult children seem to only see the specks in dear mother’s eye and totally neglect the beams in their own… 

NEWSFLASH!!! We did not parent perfect children. 

We perpetuated the sin nature when we were born and so in our children did the same… and did they grow out of it? No!.. But, immersed themselves and totally embraced it like wearing something stylish… like, “Doesn’t this sin look good on me?” We all did. Sadly.

BUT - sin nature and all - we as moms still L O V E D you sacrificially and tried our best - even when exhausted- to be what we could never be - perfect… We were just - enough …and for this we are sorry and truly acknowledge all that we tried at and failed …  Sometimes when I listen to my adult children, there was never any good… no good memories… 

Sigh…

… But what of now? 

Moving forward from this day… My intention is not to deny anything, (feelings included),… but, I won’t bring up your stuff ... I abandoned it long ago - every time I’ve held you in my arms…  and how about you- try to walk across that bridge into tomorrow - with me. This life is really short… time is precious now, in truth it always has been. I know mothering was a season and seasons change, but your mom, I’ll always be.

Get Jesus my loves… Your perception of so much will improve as will your heart - for an eternity. The heavy burdens you carry - Jesus took them to the cross. Truly… He really did.

Soli Deo Gloria

Nina aka Your mom always ❤️

Confession of Sin

Merciful Lord, pardon all the sins of my life, of omission and commission, of lips, life and walk, of hard-heartedness, unbelief, pride, of bringing dishonor on Your great name, of impurity in thought, word and deed, of covetousness, which is idolatry. Pardon all my sins, known and unknown, felt and unfelt, confessed and unconfessed, remembered or forgotten. Good Lord, hear, and hearing, forgive!

The Valley of Vision

“As far as the east is from the west, so far hath He removed our transgressions from us.”

Psalm 103:12

An Added ….Some More Old Thoughts for April

 

Picture from my youngest son.

Once upon a time I was wondering… 

When is prayer not meaningful? 

Prayer is conversation with GOD - we, who are but dust- get the attention of GOD every time we call His name. 

Matthew 6:8-10 “Our Father which art in Heaven, Hallowed be Thy name. Thy Kingdom come…”. Hallowed means holy, consecrated- sacred, set apart- because it’s special, unlike any other place or thing. In Exodus 3:5, God called out to Moses from the burning bush and told him to remove his shoes because the very ground he was encountering God was holy ground and God wanted nothing between Him and Moses. The physical contact was that important. I just have to suppose that since the ground was that special, then surely since Jesus said, our Father’s name is “Hallowed”… our calling for God’s attention; begs to suggest way more than a modicum of respect - way more, (if ground can be holy… GOD is holier - He made the ground, dust, us).   

When we glibly, (insincerely and shallow), call upon God; perhaps, at least one should share that mundane moment and why you required God’s attention… to the mundane. Not that Father God is not aware of what we are doing 24/7, (remember He’s omniscient and omnipresent to boot), but when calling on Father God - it’s kind of an opportunity for us to check-in with ourselves; to identify where and what we are doing… even in the small things. Especially, if you called out God’s name - for His attention, to make Him aware of what and where you are - when your’e doing something super minor, (I want to say stupid). In this, we show ourselves to be the mindless, sometimes thoughtless children we are. At least be mindful that we called on Father God for something small - “Oh ____, I missed the ball!”(Sadly, this is me sometimes). 

Do not take the name of God in vain. PERIOD. It’s kind of crazy that people who don’t even believe in Father God call on His Son’s name - Jesus. When was the last time you heard someone call on a pagan god’s name for something frivolous, or even important? Just wondering…

Let me make myself clear on the other side… ALL conversation to God is important - when done sincerely. God is our Father. He delights in hearing from His children… but to simply call out His Holy name in anger, disrespect, carelessly… irreverently… It cheapens God in our eyes, and in the eyes of those within earshot of our vain calling… IF you profess to be a Christ follower, folks are indeed watching closely and so your behavior reflects back upon God. I pray regularly, for Father to put a guard over my mouth… because I see people just like me, doing stupid all of the time… My first grade teacher used to use duct tape!

On another day…

Humans have “SPAN” as in lifeSPAN. Subsequently, angels may be curious with what we do with the space between our birth date and our death date. Angels are incredible beings, but they don’t know what we are going to do before we do it, (in truth, some of us are just as clueless); and they, the angels - watch us, humans…(It’s a little creepy if you think about too long - so don’t…). I wonder, do angels wonder why we do what we do sometimes… Perhaps, those angels that are dispatched by Father God are logical, I presume, and so must wonder WHY we do what we do… Can you imagine the huddle they have sometimes… If they have the time to huddle and chat about their charges… We do keep them busy… And the demonic ones… compile information to create that next stumbling block… Those are the busybodies…

Most humans know that there is a limit to our “life”span. Some are reckless -not so much that they do crazy things, although this is true, but they live as if there is no limit to their tomorrows and so plan only for the moment; if even then. So why do we not treasure our moments more meaningfully? This may be the reasoning behind the angels watching over us so… They intervene only as God directs but otherwise “watch” 24/7. 

Why do we humans spend something, SPAN, so costly - on meaningless pursuits? The angels know God gave His Son Jesus for us humans - dust! (Father also gave us - only humans - His image - this is HUGE! Some try to change what God gave at conception as HE was knitting us together... and we say, “…wrong or we don’t like it…” to God! And dare to go against God and natural order).  

And look at what we do with our SPAN. The enemy understands we underestimate our precious gift of SPAN and so provides us with vain pursuits… so that we are ineffectual - have no impact upon others that we’ve been given to be around... 

An aspect of hell could be to realize the endless possibilities of the what ifs - the things we could have done with our span and didn’t - regret without end.

And the days turn…

I had an epiphany: 

What I’ve learned: Father God does not want love that isn’t freely given, subsequently, His love is 100% unconditional, (“…yet while we were still sinners, Christ Jesus died for us…”) … so He gives freely but, it is “anticipatory” - emphasis on the last word. Not so much for Him, because He already knows exactly where we are concerning our affections or the lack thereof for Him, but we don’t know it of ourselves. We lie to Father God and to ourselves… Sadly. I think this is why we are given relationships so we “get” to practice loving others as Father God loves us… Which means not always accepting what our loved ones do, or not do to us, themselves and others. Chew on this last sentence. 

We also experience the hurt/heartache, the brokenness that Father God experiences as well...  It’s like a given - 100% - that we will have broken relationships no matter what we do… Because folks don’t have to receive someone’s love, (remember - free will). The BIG difference between Father God and us, of course - He knows everything - even the end of everyone’s story… We, of course - do not… But like Him -we don’t give up… He doesn’t seem to give up on folks either, (this is totally a God thing). However, we should turn folks over to Father God rather than trying to get folks to love.  Can’t make someone love you. Can’t make someone receive your love. 

Only Father God loves perfectly. Of course 😏

Another thing that popped into my head…

One day we, (everybody), will all know all truth about everything. Conversely, every lie will be exposed… With hearing/knowing all the truth as a believer- there will be undoubtedly tears, because of the understanding of the repercussions of the aforementioned “denial” of what was true… 

So, these tears of regret, hurt, shame… are these the tears that scripture says God, Himself will wipe away every tear? Isaiah 25:8 and Revelation 21:4

Think about everything you’ve been told and discovering what was true and what was not… You will “see”/realize all the endless positive possibilities that could have been and how life could have been different, for the lack of lies you were told.

Understanding the lies that have impacted my life now, I can still say - on this side of Glory - I still give thanks because even in the lies, I’ve come to understand and see how Father God used evil lies for His Glory and my good… because life has been a journey that Father God has always been with me… no matter what…

Still I think understanding ALL of the lies and the missed impact of other choices - could be momentarily sad… till Father wipes ALL the tears away. 🙂

Just thinking  

… And on yet another day

With regards to Isaiah 38 and Hezekiah’s tears… Verse 5 “I have seen thy tears…” 

What tears move Father? Surely, all tears of righteousness, but to seemingly change His mind or to be so moved… How I have cried tears… Surely the two Tamars, Hagar, Samson, Hannah in the Old Testament… Mary Magdalene, Martha, Paul, as did Jesus in the garden… So many request for movements of motions - seem to be set and can not be changed… It is the old road less traveled that must be taken… such an unknown. But Father’s beloved are never alone. 

Soli Deo Gloria

Nina 

Something Old - For April: Only God Takes Death and Says “The Sting is Gone!”

 Mark 15:39  “And when the centurion, which stood over against Him, saw that He cried out, and gave up the ghost, he said, “Truly this Man was the Son of God.”” 

Matthew 27:54 says “… and they that were with him, watching Jesus, saw the earthquake, and those things that were done, they feared greatly, saying, “Truly this was the Son of God””. 

A Roman gentile centurion, (I know it’s redundant), acknowledges the Son of God - being the Jewish Man, he just assisted in crucifying per instructions from his commander Pontius Pilate, the Governor; who was worried about the Jewish mob of all the chief priests, the Pharisees and the councils of the Sanhedrin, per Matthew 27.   

It is my opinion that a lot of the Bible is a paradox, (“an argument that apparently derives self-contradictory conclusions by valid deduction from acceptable premises. …Opposed to common sense and yet is well founded or true.” New Oxford American and Merriam Webster Dictionaries) - like things that defy what we of this earth take as solid truth - like the air we breathe to live. We can not see it, nor taste it, although, we can feel its effects when it blows from whence it comes and then goes, but we see it not. Without it we die. Period. Something we can not even see… but we presume it to be… because we live… 

The centurion, just doing his job… given that he was Roman, he did not care that he was given the job to oversee the crucifixion of another Jew… This was something that the Romans, the ruling body, did… But Jesus gave this centurion - a gift - the opportunity to profess that He was indeed the Son of God. Which had to be a paradox for the centurion… We know the end of this story - RESURRECTION on the third day… But at the time this centurion just saw and believed that he assisted in the killing of Whom he perceived to be, the Son of God… “How can this be… God’s Son, dead at my hands?” 

Did this centurion feel shame? Confusion? Disgust of what he was a party to? Was he angered all the more at the Jews? Was he even more fearful - of God the Father? Did his heart break? Was his grasp of this world loosen as a result of his eye-opening moment? 

…But the gift he was given. To know that indeed this Jew - Jesus of Nazareth was “Truly the Son of God!” There was a ember of light, a flicker of a flame - lit in his heart and mind - to settle, to chew upon, to ponder deeply… This Jesus was the Son of God - This is the gift that he had come to know. That this Son of God, cried out, (as in a victorious voice - “IT IS FINISHED!”), and gave up His life - in that He chose to…  

Then the continuation of the paradoxical events… Third day… The first day of the week, Matthew 28… Jesus RESURRECTS! He lives. He was dead… but now He LIVES! 

He is Risen… He is Risen INDEED! 

Hallelujah!

Soli Deo Gloria

Nina

Something New for April - But Not: The Cause of the Cross

 Sometimes when I’m out and about, encountering people I do not know- in other words strangers… I converse with them. My default setting is to suppose they are like me and think like me…I am more times than not - sorely disappointed, but I go headlong, with my settings on my default. Of course, unless they initially offer some thoughts that are opposing my worldview, which I am yet open to conversation, (a talk, …where ideas are exchanged. Discussion); most that are opposed, however, are not at all open for conversation. Still, living in a metropolis in the Midwest…strangers rarely make eye contact and surely do not initiate polite and civil conversation. Most people are absorbed into their cell phones or devices. 

I had a choice of two people about me on the crowded train the other day… A man wearing very dark sunglasses, (we were in the subway - where it was dark), coming from a protest. I could tell from his tee shirt that he wore - it had a vulgarity printed on it. Conversely, another man wore a face mask and wore a jacket with his employment printed on it. Both men made contact with me…however, a conversation spring up between myself and the masked man… because I could read his eyes and he could read mine. Where masks do hide the face… The eyes are what I read of a person. Even though the masked man, (70 years old - he shared his age), was partially hidden, we were able to have a lively conversation about Father God and the importance of training ones children so that they don’t learn hate at home and are safeguarded against such in the world… and so learn not to share venom with the world. We were in agreement that Jesus is King and that He is coming again and that sadly too many people were choosing to go the route of hell… Only Father God orchestrates such meetings and appointments… and with a captive audiences… The train!

This short story offers a segue into how I and many other believers - maybe even non-believers to a degree… Look at Father God as they view their own image. We bring GOD the maker of all we know and only supposed is out there, into something that we pretend to understand and even pretend to manipulate. For example we dole out judgement and grace as an assist to Father God. (Aside: We can judge FRUIT - not hearts- aka intent). We, some of us… many of us, go as far to tell Father God what He should do. I’m looking at Psalm 109, an imprecatory psalm - a psalm filled with “Get them Lord - they deserve it, really bad…”

…But, oh beloved, don’t we all?… deserve it, really bad…

We all want justice, even the non believer. We all want vengeance… but we want it on our terms and like Jonah; without any mercy, lest those who we feel deserve retribution and even vindictive punishment - escape and receive mercy and grace. You see my dear friend, while we want to step into Father God’s shoes - we do not see nor even begin to understand His perfect reasoning of doling out mercy and grace. He sees into the dark places of the heart and hears the silent cries for mercy. 

Yes, many a downcast person can see themselves in Psalm 109, (probably pick any psalm and folks can identify), as the wicked and deceitful are against those who do no wrong and have even extended love. Actually, Jesus is really being highlighted here in the opening verses, “…and they have rewarded me evil for good, and hatred for my love.” But then in verse 6 “Set thou a wicked man over him: and let satan stand at his right hand…” This would be Judas and satan is standing as his accuser Rev.12:10… satan accuses sinners and rightfully can accuse Judas. However regretful, Judas did not seek forgiveness -at all. 

Can any of us step into the shoes of Jesus and walk with Judas for three years… loving, teaching, encouraging… all the while extending free will for what He knew was to come - the cross? Jesus loved Judas and did not treat him as the enemy that he became. Surely, we all want to be the judge, and see that everyone “gets theirs”… But this is not Father God’s heart. He knows the Cost of the mercy and grace that He alone can extend freely and perfectly. The difference is perfect vengeance verses imperfect vindication. To return to Judas… For the length of Jesus’ ministry He was with Judas and could have - even in the Garden of Gethsemane, call upon legions of angels to fight for Him, (If you or I were in Jesus’ shoes wouldn’t you seek justice rather than the cross - saying, “Die for sinful, evil people who should get exactly what they deserve - hell!?”)… But that would have left the world without a Savior. Sinners cry out for mercy - sometimes even as they are in their sin… and Jesus is listening…  

Are we really any different from Judas in some regard? 

My sin, everyone’s sin, was put upon Jesus at the cross. “For He hath made Him to be sin for us, Who knew no sin; that we might be made the righteousness of God in Him.” 2 Corinthians 5:21 (A foreshadowing or example of this is in Genesis 22:6-14 with Abraham and Issac).

We repay Jesus’ perfect love with evil, hate, sin. (Beloved doesn’t this break your heart?… Ponder this for a moment - we throw our filth upon the beautiful, spotless Lamb of God - Jesus, the Agnus Dei, Who simply and purely, loves us all.)

BUT GOD! 

Jesus stepped into time to save us - to stand at our right hand to declare we are forgiven - justified - declared sinless.

What am I trying to say here?

As believers we do not get what we deserve from our just God. You’ve heard it said, 

“Justice is getting exactly what you deserve”. Evil is deceitful and hypocritical and oftentimes a total disconnect from the sin committed. We all do this - all too well.

“Grace is getting the good you do not deserve”. Salvation. No one deserves salvation. We can’t do anything to earn it and so avoid the punishment that is due. We deserve - hell - (like what Judas got) punishment doled out by a JUST GOD!

BUT GOD!

All have sinned, and come short of the glory of God; Being justified freely by His grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus: Whom God hath set forth a propitiation through faith in His Blood, to declare His Righteousness for the remission of sins that are past, through the forbearance of God; To declare, I say, at this time His righteousness: that He might be just, and the justifier of him, which believeth in JESUS.  Romans 3:23 -26.  Amen. Let this be said of you beloved.

Sadly, some of you may be wondering… “Well what’s the deal about being saved - from what?” 

Answer: - hell. A separation from God for an eternity. 

Sin cost! Remember - stop looking at Father God through your lens… God is way BIGGER!

Jesus paid the cost/took the punishment - with all of His Blood. You get Heaven for Home forever… or you could say… “No, I’m going to stand before Father God for my sin and pay the cost…” Even though it’s ALL PAID IN FULL by JESUS with HIS BLOOD!  

It is a choice.

Soli Deo Gloria

Nina 

An Added Short Thought Before April Showers…

Given how old I am, I’m a little embarrassed to admit… that I’m still learning this old lesson:

Do NOT cast your pearls before swine.

Some would say I foolishly trust people to think and act like - I do. My ex-husband used to say that if a person were looking up an image for gullible - they’d see my picture.

I know… Not so complementary. 

It sounds like he thought me - stupid. 

I was trusting.

Still, if someone asks a job of me or is in need of something and it is within my reasonable capabilities of being the supplier of the need,…then… However, within this season of retirement I have discovered that people view retired folk as having endless resources… mainly, TIME - being my greatest resource. I can’t earn any more time than I could, prior to retirement. No one can. We all get to spend what we’ve got and then die. So make the most of your TIME! There are NO do overs - no repeats.

So, in my retirement, I am discovering my worth.

I am a pearl. Actually, since slowing my pace and getting to know me - I am a lot of things:

Top of the list - 

Child of God. Father God delights in me. 

Lover of dandelions, (they have some unbelievable characteristics - but sadly, mainly an annoyance to people and overlooked for their potential contributions) 

My son said I was a unicorn - not the mythical kind. The actual animal, (long gone), which had stellar attributes - scripturally speaking, (KJV).

Broken pottery, but so useful to my Father God, (found in the potter’s field and was purchased at a great price)…

…And actually, I do view others as such, (as pearls), and really try hard not to impede upon anyone’s resources - aka -life. In this regard I am rather independent unless friends and family are embarrassingly insistent, (like offering a ride home at night - I can take care of myself! Jesus and me).

But to my point… Do NOT cast your pearls, (your - self), before people who fail miserably at seeing your worth… Also be equally as cautious of those who do see your worth and want to take advantage of you - In this latter situation you are sucked in and dried out by swine, which is equally as bad as being trampled upon by swine.

You are of high value, and so deeply loved.

Really!

Soli Deo Gloria

Nina

A shoebox guitar