An Added Short Thought Before April Showers…

Given how old I am, I’m a little embarrassed to admit… that I’m still learning this old lesson:

Do NOT cast your pearls before swine.

Some would say I foolishly trust people to think and act like - I do. My ex-husband used to say that if a person were looking up an image for gullible - they’d see my picture.

I know… Not so complementary. 

It sounds like he thought me - stupid. 

I was trusting.

Still, if someone asks a job of me or is in need of something and it is within my reasonable capabilities of being the supplier of the need,…then… However, within this season of retirement I have discovered that people view retired folk as having endless resources… mainly, TIME - being my greatest resource. I can’t earn any more time than I could, prior to retirement. No one can. We all get to spend what we’ve got and then die. So make the most of your TIME! There are NO do overs - no repeats.

So, in my retirement, I am discovering my worth.

I am a pearl. Actually, since slowing my pace and getting to know me - I am a lot of things:

Top of the list - 

Child of God. Father God delights in me. 

Lover of dandelions, (they have some unbelievable characteristics - but sadly, mainly an annoyance to people and overlooked for their potential contributions) 

My son said I was a unicorn - not the mythical kind. The actual animal, (long gone), which had stellar attributes - scripturally speaking, (KJV).

Broken pottery, but so useful to my Father God, (found in the potter’s field and was purchased at a great price)…

…And actually, I do view others as such, (as pearls), and really try hard not to impede upon anyone’s resources - aka -life. In this regard I am rather independent unless friends and family are embarrassingly insistent, (like offering a ride home at night - I can take care of myself! Jesus and me).

But to my point… Do NOT cast your pearls, (your - self), before people who fail miserably at seeing your worth… Also be equally as cautious of those who do see your worth and want to take advantage of you - In this latter situation you are sucked in and dried out by swine, which is equally as bad as being trampled upon by swine.

You are of high value, and so deeply loved.

Really!

Soli Deo Gloria

Nina

A shoebox guitar 

Something Old… Revisiting the Past and Moving Forward

The initial journey of the children of Israel -Exodus 1-15… Then by Numbers 13- doubt and fear entered those that spied out Canaan, the Promised Land; lest Joshua and Caleb… and by Numbers 14 Moses had to re-route the children of Israel - a 40 years camping trip… but Father God was with them still. They didn’t get sick, they had plenty to eat, quail and manna and their clothes didn’t wear out - amazing. The children of Israel had seen miracle after miracle - God in a pillar of Fire and a Cloud! The parting of the Red Sea… and yet they doubted that God would deliver on His Promise… We all are no different… It just seems crazy, at least when I read someone else’s history and foolishly think, ‘…never I Lord!’ 

God - “Yeah, right!”

So… the children of Israel wandered in “the wilderness” for 40 years after leaving Egypt. An entire generation died during that time - the generation that didn’t believe - that the God they claimed to serve and believe in, could deliver on His promise to give them the “Promised Land”.  

I’m sure the children of Israel wished they could revisit the day that the 12 spies returned from spying out their Promised Land. Especially the ten that filled the camp with fear and doubt in God. (NOTE to self: Be weary of those whom you allow to whisper in your ear). Those ten, had been with those who left Egypt… They had been slaves and lived through the plagues… They experienced first hand how God delivers… They had been refined as the chosen people of God - those who were set a part to be a peculiar people, (1 Peter 2:9)… Living in bondage and not having freedom provides many life lessons/refinement. Clearly, they knew that the Egyptian gods were not for them. They had had the history of Abraham, Issac and Jacob/Israel… They knew more. They had a hope and when given deliverance after their refinement process, (slavery), and saw miracle after miracle… The majority opted to believe those who forgot GOD! They were so close to the Promise and missed it… and they knew it… 

Talk about tasting bitter tears… and wanting to return for a do over.  

Having information that you didn’t think you had before you made your plans… But the children of Israel like everybody else - we all have the option of faith. It’s a choice folks. Father moves and operates and provides in so many ways that screams “I AM”. Father God is always doing! But like the children of Israel, we believe the whispers of the ten spies who said, “…it can not be done… we are alone…ignore all that has been done by God… in fact forget God and just see what we tell you to see and believe - a lie.” 

How tragic!

…We ALL do this! This is why I can’t point fingers at mother Eve, Sarah, the children of Israel and so many others… no one; because my own fingers point back to me. My response to much of my life is the same - doubt and fear and supposing that surely Father will not deliver for me - let alone see me - I’m dust. My life is too small to even bother GOD. Surely, He does not see me in my misery.

Through my own refinement process I have learned that the enemy, the devil, whispers loudest in my pain - my refinement process. Like the children of Israel - I think the problem is way too big - like the giants that lived in Canaan, (you know those were the seeds/children of the enemy…), and I believe the lies and forget the deliverance and miracles. The devil speaks soothingly in comfort as well, to lull me into a false sense of confidence… Then I fall, (2 Peter 3:17), and he, (the devil), laughs and heaps shame and condemnation to keep one down… but God. 

Are you getting my point?

I, (and I am not alone in this), forget the past. There’s an old song that says “…count your blessings, name them one by one…” A great song by Johnson Oatman Jr. 1897, (we don’t sing the old songs that fortifies faith - a pet peeve of mine - but I digress again); but I think we should do what God told the children of Israel to do regularly and that is to remember what was - the Deliverance from the hard times - the Passover and the Laws and the history… Throughout their history, (read about it all in the Old Testament), they were hot and cold, but more on the cold side concerning remembering. They didn’t remember and sadly, adopted the ways of the people in the lands about them, supposing that the grass was greener on the other side. 

Similarly, like the song, if I remember my deliverance, my missteps and even recall those issues that come out of darkness into the light of day because of - time… then I see and remember what the Lord hath done.

“When upon life’s billows you are tempest tossed,   

When you are discouraged thinking all is lost.

Count you many blessings, name them one by one,

And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.

Are you ever burdened with a load of care?

Does the cross seem heavy you are called to bear?

Count your many blessings, ev’ry doubt will fly,

And you will be singing as the days go by.

When you look at others with their lands and gold,

Think that Christ has promised you His wealth untold;

Count your many blessings, money cannot buy

Your reward in Heaven, nor your home on high.

So, amid the conflict, whether great or small, 

Do not be discouraged, God is over all;

Count your many blessings, angels will attend,

Help and comfort give you to your journey’s end.”

At this point, I don’t know if it’s edifying to share about my deliverance aka offer my testimony…I think I allude to stuff throughout these postings… and in truth Father heals. Really. Sometimes I think back on stuff and think, yes it was tragic, but I don’t live in the tragedy… It’s a process of refinement that I gladly hand over to my Healer Father God. Surely, there are arrows shot by the devil that dig at wounds, but I don’t let them fester, (become septic; suppurate, rot, to undergo or exist in a state of progressive deterioration.) (Some of you are at this point - not good my beloved sister or brother.). And some of you are wondering how can I speak of my testimony as refinement… WAKE UP! We live in a fallen sin-filled world and stuff happens - all the time! 

But Father God.

Here’s some stuff - so you don’t think that my life has been rainbows and butterflies…

Mom told me at an early age that I was not supposed to be here on this earth - Lord I wish! I had double pneumonia before my first birthday. As mom tells it - the doctors gave up. I had severe asthma as a child thereafter… Didn’t take gym nor swim, nor played much either. I did do a lot of drawing and writing.

My earliest memory was falling down stairs - lots of them when I was about 2-3 

I saw my dad handcuffed by police because he wanted to take me to visit his family. My mother was not in agreement. (Dad and mom were not married - so he legally adopted me and had parental rights, although I lived with mom).

Dad treated me like his princess, even when dying… nearly fell with me when carrying me down the stairs  after a visit at his apartment. (I didn’t know he was dying)

When dad did die when I was 10, I couldn’t go up to the casket though the adults tried to make me… I remember screaming. I knew then that the shell left behind was not my dad.

I got the pulp beat out of me by a “friend”. I have a chipped tooth, (stigmata), to show for it. The neighborhood kids, who disliked her more than myself wanted me to fight her in their presence, (an odd group of ruffians but really harmless for the 60’s as I recall),… I refused. I was not an animal and did not need to prove myself to anyone. Her mother a prostitute, came and got us both and had a talk with us… I surely, wasn’t going to fight ever… I was a pacifist of sorts, even then…

I attended the Young Artist Program at the Chicago Art Institute - This got me out of my south side neighborhood on Saturdays.

We moved further south just before eighth grade. My last year of elementary school. I didn’t have lots of friends but the familiarity of the neighborhood was gone…

The summer of my twelfth year saw me molested and raped - by a family member.

Enter the shell - I was a geek - peculiar.

High school was a blur I attempted to disappear… Got noticed because I could write and draw and had a propensity for math and science despite the set-up for failure.

College… Met the only man who left me speechless - without words to make him go away…  got married after graduating…

Had two children - started adopting children… Was diagnosed with a chronic auto immune disease, (I am healed - I was given five years to live, but after a ton of experimental treatments… I don’t do experimental anymore - those adverse effects I am still living with). Homeschooled for 13 years… Then started teaching and tutoring and teaching at night…Then after thirty-six years, three months and seven days… he - my helpmate - switched lanes. 

The mystery… Actually, no mystery - it’s sin - however complicated - but still -sin.

But God! By Father’s grace I’m yet standing.

Then… when you think life is settling and a bad situation just can’t get worse… It does!

The unthinkable… A dark evil secret came to light, just two years ago concerning my divorced espoused… Talk about crashing worlds. Now I know how my mom felt - generational stuff is a real thing folks. 

Sigh

But God.

These are but highlights… There are details that aren’t necessary to share, but I’m feeling like I need to have some credibility when I say - REMEMBER to count your blessings and know that it is ONLY GOD that brings you through the fires of life. Refinement - to get you to where you can be used for Father’s sake - His Kingdom. I’ve said it before - this world is not IT! If you think it is, Lord help you… Get out of yourself and see that you are not the center of the universe. I know - it’s not about me… It’s not about you. It’s ONLY about God. 

MOVE FORWARD - pass yourself, for God’s sake. He loves you. He gave His Beloved Son, Jesus; for you. If you’re wondering - why move forward? Remember that septic stuff, the rot I talked about earlier… I tell no lie. It stinks! It’s a stagnate pond. It’s not healthy for you nor anyone around you - sadly, unless they are using you in that rotting state - in which case, they do not love you. Father God LOVES you and wants ONLY good for you. He promises to take that refinement and use it for good. 

Remember, count your blessings, move forward in Christ Jesus.

Mind-blowing. I know

Soli Deo Gloria 

Nina

 

 

Something New for the Season of Lent

First I must explain - I really enjoy the changes of the seasons here in the midwest. However, I don’t particularly care for summer, (there’s only so much one can remove to be comfortable and I’m not a fan of air conditioning)…  But the changes that occur - differences envelop all of my senses as I walk around hearing the crunch of leaves under foot in autumn. I dress in layers often - but to feel a biting crisp gust of wind across my face… Sometimes, it is literally - breathtaking. The smell of the earth during a gentle rain, accompanied with the quiet patter of rain falling on brightly colored yellow green new leaves in spring…I have been known to let that rain hit me full face when the sun pops out from behind the dancing clouds - The birds play or so they seem to… maybe they are just washing themselves as they splash about. Me too! I go out in knee-high rain boots and splash confidently in puddles when I presume no one is looking, but my Heavenly Father. He takes delight in me… In the summer my eyes feast on a plethora of shades and tones of greens… Yes, the other colors of summer are amazing - the deep reds that seem like velvet - It’s no wonder mankind tries so hard to replicate what Father does with ease… And winter - my favorite time of year. The earth seems to rest. The snow of course, (remember I dress in layers - lots of them)… Its descent downward from the sky… I watch it slowly dance as the crystals catch the sunlight as I wait for a train. I marvel that each one is different. Some of you are wondering - how do you know that Nina? I believe this to be true, because - look at the image bearers around you... We, throughout all of time are - all different. Unique. Yes, there are doppelgängers, but even these folks are not replicas/clones of each other - there are differences… My point to this very long introduction is I like seasons - I suppose… I like some change.

Additionally, seasons at least when they are coming, offer the opportunity for anticipation - hope. The joy of experiencing the upcoming. It’s the prep work of life. Some things I find pleasure in - the getting ready, like for a trip, (I enjoy riding the rails and pack about 1-2 weeks in advance of traveling), or laying out various colored cloths for hand quilting, …or when cooking. I have been known to study a recipe and research alternatives for my liking and then when the cooking day comes - it’s just enjoyable. Simple. This is when I can prepare. I don’t understand how some people live without preparation - planning for seasons of life - but live by the seat of their pants, as if it were; and seem to care little for wherever that may be or who it affects. I totally understand that random unexpected stuff happens and I surely must react quickly - I must do something… but I see people everyday, (if I venture outside), who seem to be just waiting for the next bump from a bumper car to push them in a new direction… lest they stand still - going no where. Stuck. Either way, with seasons that occur with regularity, (quarterly weather seasons or life seasons), I know what to expect, I can plan - usually.

Segue: Planning and Jesus knows our every day… (there is no surprising Father God).

God is Omniscient, and Omnipresent.

Seasons pass time. Time is for our benefit.

During the season of Lent, (my favorite season for many reasons… The remembering the Cost… The cause and effect of my choices… The Blood-His Blood… The Forgiveness… The new beginnings…); I have opportunity to focus on specific Biblically historic persons, and while I enjoy the change of seasons due to time and examine their effects upon me… I choose to step into the shoes of Biblical characters during the “Season of Lent” to see the time through their eyes…and see if I can see what they saw or in one of the cases will I miss the boat as well… 

Matthew 17 - The Transfiguration

Peter, James and John - they saw Jesus transfigured and likewise Moses and Elijah…, (am I the only who wonders - how did the three know that they were looking at Moses and Elijah - They knew Jesus, but Moses and Elijah?…).  They heard from “a bright cloud” a Voice that said, “This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased; hear ye Him.” Then “the disciples fell on their face, and were sore afraid.” In this declaration, Father God was emphatically stating Who Jesus was/is, not just to dear Peter, James and John, but to the spiritual realm, (Psalms 68), as well, (since they - the spiritual realm -are not omniscient - at all nor omnipresent).

In this season, Matthew 17, Jesus prepares the disciples for what’s to come of Him, yet still teaching them and healing, but in the end - prior to His resurrection they did not seem to perceive the season that was coming - even though Jesus gave them special insight… But, Jesus knew this. He knew their reactions, their fears, their unimaginable horrors, their deep grief… I can only suppose it was the seasoning necessary to be added to their lives to make them into the saints that would carry the Gospel into the nations at any cost - even their lives. You’ve heard it said, “No man dies for a lie”. They had to go through all the turmoil to make them into the people Jesus knew they would become. 

The season you’re going through - it’s making you into something useful for the Lord. Is it easy, fun delightful? NO - at least, not always. The season is necessary because without every step you would not become who you are to Father God - beloved and so important to Him. Does Father God need you to accomplish His will - No! But He chooses to use you - chooses to use me, (I am blown away all the time - I am the queen of mess-ups aka sin - go back to July 2016 - and I’ve had lower points since then too). Father God takes the low, the broken, the ugly, the young, the old, the misshapen, the presumed crazy, He used a donkey once to speak His message -Numbers 22:21-39. You do get my point?… Father God can use whoever and whatever He wants! He’s God - He always has been and will always be. Period. Seasons

John 20:1-18 The Empty Tomb and Mary Magdalene (the grave clothes interest me as well - but a discussion for another time).

I know I’m getting way ahead in this season of Lent… But I got to thinking about Mary Magdalene. She saw angels! And was unfazed because she was determined to find her Jesus. 

Such grief.

Sit with this for a moment.

She saw angels… Then she saw Jesus! Through tears. Through the pain of watching Jesus be beaten and crucified… All she knew at that moment was - someone had taken Jesus’ body… She just wanted to be with Him - even though He was dead - for just a moment more…

Dear Mary Magdalene thought that This Gardener took the body of Jesus and that she, herself; would carry Him back… 

Then Jesus said her name…

Lord, how sweet, how very lovingly sweet - to hear one’s name spoken by One whom you thought was lost to you forever… (I think on that Great Day - we shall hear the trumpet call for HOME and our names will be spoken with such love as when Mary Magdalene heard her name). 

Such unimaginable JOY!

And Jesus gave this moment to Mary Magdalene because of love and He knew she would not soil Him with her touch, but she did not know this of herself. But she obeyed.

And so, just as the lowly shepherds, (a motley crew), announced the birth of Jesus… Mary Magdalene a woman of very questionable choices, but surely delivered and redeemed and loved; announced to the disciples that “she had seen the Lord”. 

The seasons she had experienced, all of them, brought her to that beautiful glorious day… 

Mind blowing.

What are your seasons?

I pray that Father God is in all of them, even though you may not see such… He really is… Really.

Remember the Cost of this season of Lent.

Soli Deo Gloria

Nina

This is NOT moldy bread
It’s my attempt at sourdough bread
In case there’s a question. It’s very tasty.
🙃